JTB and No. 1 Travel

When I was looking for flights to Ireland two months ago, JTB and another travel agency told me that flights would be more than $2,000. I pretty much gave up after that. I tried to find last-minute deal websites but my lack of Japanese prevented me from getting too far. Today I went to JTB again to find a deal for my Aug. 23-Sep. 1 vacation. I chose that week without having any sort of a plan, and I'm only now, with three weeks to go, asking around. This is I how I do things.

Trying to communicate with the woman at JTB was aggravating but I made some progress. I told her my days off and said that I didn't care where I went as long as it was cheap and fun. She gave me some phamplets for Hokkaido and Kyuushu (no thanks) so I gave her a dollar figure to work with, hoping that she would give me something more imaginative. I suggested $600 for the flight and she gave me Korea. Korea is about as far away from where I am as North Carolina is from Boston. Pass. How about Cambodia? Cambodia is too expensive. Thailand? Thailand is too expensive. Indonesia, India, or the Phillipines? Too expensive. Ok. I gave up and left.

Then I went to the NIC and asked the English-speaking staff where I could look to find ACTUAL deals on traveling and not the crap JTB was trying to sell me. They suggested No. 1 Travel and showed me their website (http://www.no1-travel.com), which, thankfully, is in English. Hello!? Why did no one show me this before? For my $600 I could take a roundtrip flight to almost anywhere in Asia except India. I could get to Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Cambodia and a few other places for less than $500, round-trip. In Thailand, I can expect to pay less per beer than we did in Costa Rica, which is saying a lot since Imperial was so damned cheap. I stopped in a liquor store and bought some wine in celebration. Now I'm going to the Nagoya Cathedral to pick up a Bible and a rosary to play with, and then, maybe over to No.1 Travel to book a flight somewhere. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm not picky I just want to get out of Japan for a little while and avoid Yellow Fever if its possible.

Laaates

I've been ignoring this girl's text messages and phone calls recently but yesterday I noticed that she hasn't been to Nova all week. Most people don't come in more than once a week or so, but she's a regular fixture so I got worried. If she's staying away because of me (which is certain) then I feel bad because Nova lessons aren't cheap. The individual lessons are cheap but you have to buy them in these big packages that make them expensive. I think a single lesson is between 20 and 25 bucks but you need to spend over $1000 for the package. You get a year or more to use all your points up, but most students don't and are left with expired lessons at the end of their contract. Nova isn't looking out for the teachers OR the students, which is why being berated by its middle management is so exasperating. When my friend Andra told Nova she was leaving for Pfizer, Cathryn told her that she was only hurting the students. I'm sure Cathryn is so fucking concerned. You care so much about the students? Fine. Pay me more money and I'll stay. Oh, I see, this is all about ME making sacrifices for the students. Eat shit.

Anyway, so I texted her (the Japanese girl) to make sure she hadn't killed herself and she replied with something like: 'After you don't meet me, I get very lonely... Are you as lonely too?' Nope. In fact, I've sort of replaced you already.

New people have been showing up lately. We have a new guy from Australia named Shannon, a douche-bag from Colorado named Casey, an Australian girl named Carmen and a girl from Long Island named Amy. Casey likes craps and giving other people advice about work despite only having been here for 10 minutes. Shannon used to be a competitive runner in Australia and claims he was the fastest person under 20 in Australia when he was 19. He seems ok but made a terrible first impression. Pat said to him, 'I thought we were getting another American' to which he responded 'FUCK NO!' Carmen is quiet and has correctly identified everyone else as annoying so I expect to see very little of her. Amy is loud and says really abrasive things that are starting to annoy everyone else. She has a boyfriend back home but I think that's going to prove to be a joke. She's cute too.

I have to fill out my taxes (almost 4 months late) but I have pictures of the Kyowa festival (it was a fire or ancestor celebration... I'm not sure which) which was a ton of fun.

Japanese Spaghetti and The Talk

My clingy proto-girlfriend came over again last night and cooked for me. Spaghetti, Japanese-style. Instead of using pasta sauce, she used ketchup. I did a superb job of hiding my initial shock and disgust, but it wasn't half bad.

We watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind because its fantastic. Last weekend we watched her favorite film, Between Silence and Passion (or something like that) so it was her turn this weekend to be let down by my suggestion. She was able to follow the story despite its circular narrative and slightly confusing transitions. I was actually quite proud of the fact that she understood everything. There were a bunch of different expressions in English that were translated to one thing in Japanese, so I figured a lot was being lost in translation. Maybe she understood it because her version of the movie in no way resembled mine. In the end, it doesn't matter because she didn't care for it.

After that I tried to get rid of her but thanks to some teenage anctics in the parking lot (and no Bruce, we are not fornicating yet) she refused to leave. She sprung the Talk on me in my room, for which I was wholly unprepared. We've hung out a grand total of four times and last night was the first night anything happened between us, but she thought it was a good time to chat about 'us.' She's leaving the country in less than a month and she wants me to wait for her. Adorable as that is, I wasn't aware we were dating. Compounding the problem is the fact that the only adjective she can use to describe any of this is 'serious.' Part of our conversation last night actually ran something like this:

Terrifying: 'I am serious about boyfriend. I think you are serious too.'
Confused: '...Uh-huh...'
Terrifying: 'Really!?'
Confused: '...really what? You didn't even ask me a question.'
Terrifying: mmm mmm mmm... what?
Confused: Exactly.

So basically I'm planning my exit strategy. On one hand, I can't piss her off because she might get me in trouble. On the other hand, up with this I will not put.

My Yahoo junkmail

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----------------------------

Are there people who want to increase their sperm volume by 500%? Even if there are people who want to improve their ability to produce sperm, doesn't 500% seem a bit high? Also, are there well-known brands of sperm-volume enhancers? Are there people who sit around and debate the merits of the different brands? The world wide shipping in 24 hours is impressive though.

Yikes

The text I just received:




[blah blah blah]. I'll miss you after I come to [blah]. because I like you so much.
Now I can't say I love you easily. but I think my feeling that's kind of love. I'd like to do time when I can be together with you importantly.




Tonight was the third time we've hung out.

Additions

Added some new links. Does this cat not look like a wizard?

Hazukashii

Thats the word for the night. It means embarassing. I had the girl I've been seeing come over and she cooked me dinner. She actually made it earlier at her place and only heated it up because I blew her off until 8pm. She's an awesome cook. She made Japanese curry, mashed potatoes, fried chicken (karage), and she sliced up some veggies. She also brought some Japanese wine that I can only describe as spicy. Not in some abstract wine way either, I mean like Mexican food. She either didn't understand what I was saying about it or couldn't figure out how to read the bottle because she responded with 'rosehips and maka' as some sort of explanation. We searched our dictionaries but couldn't come up with anything on 'Maka.'

Anyway, the word for the day is hazukashii because while I washed down our counters, sink, and stove before she came over, I neglected to take out the three-weeks worth of garbage that had accumulated in our kitchen. How that could have escaped me is something I can't give a satisfying answer to. So, when she arrived and noticed that our kitchen is disgusting and smells, I acted surprised and took all the trash outside. That didn't help though, because when I moved the giant pile of cigarette butts, tea bags, and rotting vegetables, it kicked up a storm of flies and tiny bugs. They didn't follow the trash that I carried, dripping, down the hallway either, but remained buzzing around the kitchen the whole time she was over. I created a pile of trash juice in the middle of the kitchen that smelled like week-old Santorum. She then proceeded to wash every dish and piece of silverware she took out of our cupboards because she no longer trusted a single thing in our kitchen.

We watched her favorite movie, a Japanese film called 'The space between passion and silence' (...nani... to ...nani... no aida). It was terrible and made no sense to me but I lied and said I liked it.

Last night and a Sumo match

I may or may not have hung out with a 29-year old Japanese girl last night.

Tom's friend is going to a Sumo match today at around 5 and I left him my phone number if he wants someone to go with. I'm leaving everything up to him, but I wouldn't be opposed to watching some Sumo wrestling today. The grand tournaments (or whatever) are being held in Nagoya this season so I have the ability to see the best wrestlers in Japan. Maybe not today, but I mean in theory.

I've seen a handful of Sumo walking around Kanayama Station, taking the trains, and doing other normal crap. Its neat though because they're always dressed up in kimono and have their hair put up in the Sumo style. I saw one guy who's head was almost rubbing against the roof of the subway car, but for the most part they're not so tall. Today I saw a guy who must be in a low weight-class because it crossed my mind to topple him over and mess up his hair. Watching the matches on TV though I know that while they seem fat and out of shape their legs are fucking powerful.

Sumo matches only last a few seconds and the season isn't long either. When they're not competing, they're training and eating like crazy. A student told me that standard Sumo fare is something called Chunko (or Chanko). I don't know what it consists of, but they also drink lots of beer for the calories and carbs. So, Sumo wrestlers are treated like celebrities, eat and drink beer, train, and then only have to compete for a few seconds at a time. Sounds like a sweet job to me.

If you're reading this you're holding the economy down

I read a book by the economist Paul Krugman (a quasi-socialist according to Bill O'Reilly) recently, and he mentioned something that I can't get out of my damned head. He wrote that for all of our new technology (advances in computing, improved telecommunications, blah blah blah), we're not actually seeing increases to productivity anymore. The Microchip Age (or whatever the hell this is) is no longer paying off. One of those who is running his mouth about how amazing the age we live in is Tom Friedman (a fellow Brandeis alum, and, along with Krugman, an op-ed writer for the NY Times). I read two of his books, but The Lexus and the Olive Tree deals exclusively with globalization and the technology that's driving it. To sum up the entire 512 page book in a single sentence: Globalization is neato and the world has fundamentally changed. The book is full of interesting anecdotes that I guess are his evidence. While we can do more now than ever before, Krugman is pointing out that we shouldn't be impressed. At least, from an economic point of view.

Before I read Krugman's book I didn't question the benefit to society from advances in computing technology, but I really only used my terminal at IBT to read books online and check out OverheadinNewYork.com. The amount of time that I spent actually working on it was small. That's because the second I got my work done, I would fuck around and do nothing with the rest of my day. All of that potential benefit to the company was eaten up by my lack of motivation. This isn't true for every company, but I wonder how much productivity IBT would actually lose if they switched back to pencils and calculators. It would save a ton of money in operating expenses even if it's employees would suffer for it.

Krugman also claims that getting new computers in schools is a waste of damned money. Interesting.

There's no point to any of this but its my blog, so you will sit down and LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!

Lyrics Born Sucks

I found a Japanese-American rapper named Lyrics Born that I was unfamiliar with and who I was hoping would redeem Japanese hip-hop. Well, he sucks like everyone else. He sounds like a shitty version of Gift of Gab (they're both part of Quannum Projects so maybe he just thinks its ok to rip-off his buddies). DJ Honda and DJ Krush are good, and I found a song by DJ Tasaka that samples that 'ding ding ding a ding ding ding' thing which is Pop but dope regardless. As Kool Keith/Dr. Octagon/Dr. Dooom says:

'And ya'll been trying to figure me out for years
Trying to reduplicate me, but they can't, so they hate me
While white boys rub the heads of black music with a Japanese assistant
What does a Chinese kid know about the rap game, it's a shame...'

Thats pretty cold and racist, but since all the Japanese rap I've heard so far sucks, I'm forced to agree. But not with that Japan=China thing. I'm not going near that.

For anyone that's unfamiliar I strongly recommend Kool Keith by the way.

Oh yeah, and since my mom, dad, aunts, uncles, sister, and friends' parents check this blog, sorry about that Japanese stuff in my previous post. Just ignore it if you haven't read it yet.

essential japanese

otearai wa doko desu ka?
where is the toilet?

daiben o shitai desu kara.
because i want to take a big shit.

omanko wa oishii desu ka?
is your pussy delicious?

omanko wa nurete imasu ka?
is your pussy wet?

Waste of Time

I really wanted to like Japanese rap. I really did. Its crap though. All of it. Don't waste your time.

Himakajima

I found a website for　Himaka Island. I didn't take any pictures when I was there, but if you're curious, there's this website in English: www.himaka.com/english.

If you go to the 'Sightseening' section, the first picture is of the beach that I went to.

Blah blah blah

I just downloaded a copy of IBT's W2 request form. I can finally fax this to some woman named Keisha and get my taxes done for 2005. For anyone who's curious, when you get an extension approved by the federal government you get until like October to get your shit together.

I have work today from 5 to 9pm. My days off have been changed to Wednesday and Thursday but it doesn't matter since I spend my weekends alone anyway. I haven't made any plans for myself but if I get restless I can go hiking in the Japanese Alps which are only a few hours away on the train. I'll probably do exactly what I always do though, study Japanese at Mister Donuts and drink about 15 cups of coffee. I tried to switch to decaf, but I couldn't figure out how to say it in Japanese and my gestures and drawings (go ahead and try to draw decaf) weren't helping the girl at the counter.

The other day at Nova I had a man-to-man lesson with a woman in her 50's. She's a nurse and we were just chatting about nothing when she started asking about my love life. I said that I wasn't really seeing anyone right now so she tried to set me up with her daughter. I hesitated in responding so she dropped the subject. I think if I could do it again I would just give her my number and throw caution to the wind, but my reasons for hesitating are excellent. First of all, this woman seems like she might want a traditional Japanese relationship to blossom. By traditional I mean that marriage and children might be expected from me in a pretty short interval of time. Also, even if this girl is beautiful and intelligent and has all the same interests as me, her mom told me that she can't speak any English. Also, this nurses' husband hates English and won't even let her study it at home. The whole thing sounded like a bad scene and even if I started to date this woman's daughter and things went well, I would eventually break up with her and then would be forced to see her mom in lessons about once a week.

The students at Higashiura are awesome. The students at Handa were cool too, but there are some really great personalities at this school. I may dread going to work on most days but when I'm actually teaching, I really enjoy this job. Its fun, its easy, and the days fly by. I've saved up about 430,000 yen so far (5 months worth of saving), which is about $4,000, so the money isn't so bad either. Granted, I haven't traveled much since arriving here, but if I keep the course, I should have a nice bit of money to travel with before coming back home.

Man this post is boring.

My oyster

I just applied for jobs in Tokyo, Beijing, and Shanghai. It was a pretty half-ass attempt if I do say so myself. The cover letter sounds short and generic and the version of Word on this god-damned computer won't stay in English for more than 5 seconds at a time, so there are probably errors and stylistic mistakes.

What am I qualified to do other than teach English? Not that teaching English is so bad but isn't there something more glamorous that my $120,000 brain can do? Like harvesting organs from prison populations (free-lance) or spying for the US government?

I'm here and people seem to trust me, that's all I'm saying Bush administration.

Who knew

I had raw octopus for dinner. Its delicious.

I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.

I'm editing my resume and sending it out tonight for teaching jobs in Tokyo and in other countries. My quasi-friend Andrea just gave one-week notice because she found a job working for the pharmaceuticals company Pfizer. I think its either teaching English to employees or editing technical documents. The job required a background in that kind of crap and she majored in... that kind of crap.

The worst part of my week is the weekend. I'm busy with teaching and commuting and whatever else from Friday to Tuesday, but without any friends or hobbies, I just study Japanese and get depressed in my free time.

Teruko sent me a text earlier asking me if I wanted to go out for drinks tonight but, like I said, she's annoying. I blew her off. Being lonely and depressed is better than hanging out with someone who sucks. I can only hear 'REALLY!?!?!!?!?' from someone so many times before it starts to sound like my soul dying.

I was drinking Japanese beer (which sucks) and watching the Japanese version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire earlier. The differences (aside from being completely incomprehensible) between the US and Japanese versions are that in Japan, you play to 10,000,000 yen. Thats less than $100,000. Who cares? Also, they give a short biography of the contestants (although this was a celebrity version) before they take the 'hot seat.' They still say 'final answer' to lock in their guesses, but when they get to the 100,000 and 1,000,000 yen marks, they run video clips of their friends wishing them good luck. There are the same three life lines but the pauses between 'final answer' and the revealed answer are TOO DAMNED LONG. They try to build up the suspense for 20 seconds or more. I was trying like hell to translate the questions but only caught the four possible choices to one question: zeus, poseidon, saturn, and something else. Poseidon was right.

Gnarls Barkley on the iPod.

Hooray!

Nothing much to talk about. I finished my first week at Higashiura. I was nervous about the change but I like this new place better. I work in a mall now. I don't know if that's funny or not. I feel a tad lame, but working in a mall has its advantages. First of all, the food options have gotten much better. In Handa City I ate at the grocery store or McDonalds almost everyday. Now I have tons of options and nothing is particularly expensive. I've been eating ongiri for the past week. They're rice balls, wrapped up in seaweed, with different kinds of fish as the filling. The tuna and mayonnaise ones are fucking delicious.

I haven't heard back from Teruko since we went to that Salsa club. I hadn't planned on talking to her again after that night and I guess she came to the same conclusion.

My roommate Tom won't leave me the fuck alone. More often than not I don't want to talk to him, or anyone else for that matter. Jah help me when we're home at the same time because I find myself his captive audience. He seems completely oblivious to my body language and one word answers. Even when I retreat to my room he'll follow me and talk to my from the doorway. It wouldn't be so bad but he's boring, can't listen to me without interrupting, and is pretty insulting in an unintentional way. I was cooking yesterday and he came up to me to see if I could help him remember the 10 commandments. Good question. Let me think. I got it! Thou shalt not ask your roommate pointless questions when thou hast a computer and internet access in your room. His room is coincidently where its nice and quiet and I'm not currently located. I told my other roommate David that he was annoying the shit out of me and he said that they're both aware that I don't like to talk sometimes and maybe Tom's just doing all of this to fuck with me. If that's the case, then him and I are going to wind up in a bad place very quickly because I don't have any more patience for him and could smash him into the ground.

I had my first level 2 student the other day. The highest level at Handa is a 4, but we do a couple of level 3's in man-to-man lessons only. They're all pretty weak 3's too. So this 2 lived in San Francisco for 6 years, and went to San Francisco State where she majored in Psychology or something. So our conversation went something like:

Unprepared sensei: Hello!
Cute Level 2: Hey, how're you doin'?
Unprepared sensei: Oh. Pretty good, how about yourself?
Cute level 2: Fine, but this morning I got caught in traffic and it took forever to get here.
Unprepared sensei: I see... ummm... so you lived in the States?
Cute level 2: Yeah, I lived in San Francisco for 6 years before coming back to Japan.
Unprepared Sensei: Oh. What do you do?
Cute level 2: I teach English to little kids.
Unprepared sensei: Ok... Do you like art?
Cute level 2: Yeah, I'm really into Pop Art right now. I just finished a book that I think Andy Warhol wrote or something, and he just seemed so sad to me.
Unprepared sensei: Was the book 'A to Z with Andy Warhol' or something like that?
Cute level 2: Yeah, it might have been.
Unprepared sensei: Yeah, I read that back in Boston.
Cute level 2: Cool.

Her fluency was just a little bit slower than mine but her vocabulary was as good or better than most native speakers'. So we just chatted about art and America and her (god-dammit) boyfriend. Why she needs Nova I have no idea since I was unable to tell her anything she didn't already know. She looked a little Emo to me with her big square frames and second-hand t-shirt. I like it as a look though.

Other than a kid's class in which this little shit likes to scream in my ear, Higashiura is pretty awesome actually.

is this back on now?

come on you bitch

Its getting hot and humid...

I bought a manga last night for 350 yen and I'm determined to translate the damned thing. From what I can understand so far (and this is all true) its about a high school in Japan and its new Russian foreign-exchange student. All of the students are scared of him until he shows up and the girls fall in love with his shit. Sadly, his fans include this one girl, Miki, who is the secret crush of our hero, .... ... I don't remember his name. When this Russian student is introducing himself to the class he says something like 'Japan is weak at sports.' Our hero uses this to get in his face and, maybe, to win his girl's affection. Anyway, our hero is about 2 feet tall and scrawny and gets his ass kicked about 10 consecutive times by the Russian guy for reasons I can't begin to understand, until, Michael Jordan (this is all true) shows up and fights the Russian. I think Michael Jordan loses, and somewhere else James Brown makes an appearance. The whole thing is batshit crazy and I'm quickly learning that my Japanese sucks.

Lets see. Its already 3:28pm here and I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I might give my 30-days notice on my apartment tomorrow so that at the end of the month I can leave this place. Maybe head to Tokyo, maybe South Korea, maybe somewhere else entirely. I left the United States for an adventure and living in Japan isn't enough for me. I need more. I want to go even farther away and deal with even weirder shit and I don't think I'm going to be able to come home until I've done this. Then again, I never do what I say I'm going to, so this means nothing.

Sunshine is leaving tomorrow. I'm really sorry to see her go since she's one of my only quasi-friends here. Before we parted today she said 'good luck with life.' I wish I thought of something clever to say.

My weltschmerz and the hours

I went to Himakajima yesterday. That's Octopus island for those of you who can't even read Japanese. Honestly. Get with the program.

It was alright but most of the island looks just like the rest of Japan. Tiny houses inhabited by tiny people with even tinier children, all of them pretending that they're not staring at me when I walk by.

The water was nice and I finally got a chance to go swimming. Kelp still scares the bejesus out of me. Its something I don't think I'll ever get over. There are two beach areas on the island (east and west) and from the east side you can see other islands off in the distance and its actually quite beautiful. I would have taken pictures but the battery in my camera was dead and I wasn't willing to wait around for it. Sorry guys.

I stopped a group of four women to ask for directions in my indechiperable Japanese. The woman closest to me when I said 'sumimasen' actually shrieked out loud and ran behind one of the others. After I calmed them down by explaining what I needed, one of the other women indiscreetly backed up and took a picture of me. I felt like Finbar McBride must have felt in The Station Agent. Yeah. That's pretty obscure but if you know it, appropriate.

I got lunch on the island and it was fucking delicious. The restaurant had six fish tanks, each large enough for me to lay down inside of, filled with so many different kinds of fish that the place felt more like an aquarium than a restaurant. I made friends with a doomed ray that was like 2 feet wide. I got the 'ranchi seto' (lunch set) and had an eight-dish spead placed before me for under $10. I was happily eating from this little bowl of what I thought was salty noodles, until I looked closely and found that the noodles were actually tiny fish. The heads were still attached and only the tails removed, but they were so small and unassuming that there wasn't a noticable change in texture, even for the tiny eyeballs. They were quite good. You always have to be paying attention though.

I finished King Lear in a cafe on the way home and then went to a bar with my roommates at around 10.

Hey mama, (something) that thing that makes you go (something something...) blah blah blah... I hate the music in this place.

Political insight from those who know

I think Angelina Jolie and Pink missed their mark by almost 5 years, but if you enjoy the political opinions of people who aren't fit to have opinions, than enjoy:

this article:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060621/ap_en_mo/people_jolie


and these lyrics:

Pink ft. The Indigo Girls
'Dear Mr. President'

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pay the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

Its fucking raining AGAIN

I went to the NIC and got King Lear, the unabridged Moby Dick, and a collection of American plays. I won't start any of them until I finish The Brothers Karamazov, which was a present from Daniela.

While considered poor art in Japan (despite being the most popular Japaese art in the West even today), I rather like the wood block prints of artists like Hokusai. This is his 'Ghost of Kohada Koheiji.'

Are You Experienced?

I bought an extra-tall Kirin Green Label last night at midnight with pocket change. I was wearing my bandana, mesh shorts, and a T-shirt with holes in it. I used no fewer than 11 1-yen pieces, which have 90% of the value of a penny. The 7-11 employee was convinced that I didn't have enough money, so he refused to sell me the beer. I had to count it in front of him and prove that it was, in fact, exactly 211 yen. He apologized for miscounting and dismissively gave me my beer. I then went over to the park near my apartment building and drank it, alone, listening to Jimi Hendrix albums on my iPod.

Gmail search

90 of my saved emails contain the word 'fuck' and only six contain 'snuggle.'

Thats sad.

Deep lows and laughing in their faces

So that everyone's caught up: I was given notice that I would receive TOEIC/TOEFL training about 2 weeks ago. Nova instructors usually sign these training forms without reading them because its just part of the job. Or so everyone assumes. I thought I would see what happens if I refused to do so. I dodged the Japanese staff for the rest of the day, threw the form away when I got home, and sent one of my superiors (that I'm cool with) an email asking him for advice. I talked to Cathryn a few days ago on the phone and aggressively (so I've been told) told her that I refused training.

Now, today:

I walked in to work expecting a pretty innocuous day. So, like I always do, I put my book, iPod, and bottle of water down and looked at the schedule. My third block for the day had the ominous looking 'G D H' written in it instead of the slightly less terrifying 'Kinder.' Maybe I'm a pessimist, but I could only come up with 'General Disciplinary Hearing.' One of the Japanese staff that we refer to as 'Bambi' told me that my boss, Cathryn, and the regional... very important... whoever were coming in to talk to me. I got a call shortly thereafter from Cathryn who said she was on the way to 'talk about the unresloved issues of our last phone call.'

I apologize to everyone for not being able to get my phone's voice recorder to work. I would love to have audio evidence of everything that happened in that freakishly long 40 minutes.

I was getting myself pumped up right before our meeting, and I decided, with no reservations, that I was prepared to lose my job, pack my bags, and either be on my way home or to Tokyo by the end of the day.

So, when you feel that you have nothing to lose, dealing with your company's shit management can be fun.

I walked in to the worst looking good-cop/bad-cop routine you'll ever see. Frightened and easily-bullied Cathryn was in the far corner and bad-cop was brooding (hunched over with his forearms resting on his thighs) on the opposite side of the room. I introduced myself and shook hands with both of them. I sat down and opened with a joke. I can't remember what it was but they both laughed nervously. I was completely in control.

Cathryn told me that we had a misunderstanding and they were there to make sure I was on the same page as everyone else, blah blah blah. TOEIC\TOEFL training is 'part of my job responsibilities' and no one's asking for my opinion on the issue. They are things I must do. I said something like: 'hahaha, ok, but question: why do you give me a form to sign at all?'

Cathryn: Its just our way of informing you of the change.

Benn: Fair enough. But why do I have to sign training forms and not have to sign the form that you sent me when you changed my schedule to teach Chibi kids.

Bad-cop: What does it MATTER how we INFORM you? The point is that Nova lets you know. Thats Nova's policy and...

Benn: Haha ha hahaha... ok, ok. We're getting sidetracked. At what point can I say 'no' to Nova?

Cathryn: Well, at no point.

Benn: Haha, ok, so what happens if I don't sign the form then.

Cathryn: Then what you're saying is that you're refusing to do your job duties. Is that what you're saying?

Benn: (Thinking out loud) Hmmm.... refusing to do my job duties... is that what I'm sayyyyyyiiiiiinnnngggg?... YES! Thats what I'm saying.

Cathryn: (Completely bewildered and unsure of what to do next) Well... (glances at bad-cop, hoping that he can come to the rescue).

Bad-cop: (Completely pissed off that I haven't stopped laughing or smiling since I sat down and his face has actually turned completely red) Do you think this is funny?

Benn: Haha, yeah, I find this all pretty funny.

Bad-cop: What do you find so funny... (raising his voice) can I ask you to sit up straight?

Benn: Me? (raising my voice higher) You sit up straight!

Bad-cop: I am sitting up straight.

Benn: No you're not, you're all hunched over like this (I mimick him but don't get the laughs that I would have if Bruce had been there).

Bad-cop: Well, I have to write on this pad.

Benn: Haha, oh, I see. Haha.

Bad-cop: Could you please STOP SMILING?

Benn: (When he said that I completely lost it and just started to really belly-laugh with the biggest smile you've ever seen on my face) Can I not smile in this room?

Bad-cop: (To Cathryn) I hope you're writing all of this down.

Benn: HAHAHA

Bad-cop: Cathryn, could I ask you to step out of the room?

(Cathryn actually gets up and obeys this request, leaving her dignity behind)

Bad-cop: (Completely calms himself down and starts to have a real conversation with me about what's been going on)

He was really losing his cool when I refused to treat him with any kind of respect but did a perfect 180 when Cathryn left. We sat there and talked for a long time while Cathryn waited in the hallway. When I told my roommate Dave about it he said that I should have yelled 'and get me a coffee while you're at it' to her. That would have been brilliant.

So we talked it over and he calmed down and I stopped laughing in his face and we came to some kind of an agreement. I'm not REFUSING training, but given that I have an unusual amount so quickly, they're putting it off into the distant future. However, since Handa needs someone who is TOEIC/TOEFL trained, they're moving me to Higashiura and bringing one of those guys to Handa in my place.

At the end of our conversation he felt it necessary to bring up my behavior again and tried to give me some 'good advice.' His advice was not to laugh during a meeting like this again. I laughed after he said it and give him a really mocking 'oooOOOOKay!' He wanted to sit down and get into it again with me but thought better of it and left. Before he got out the door I thought I would make some chit-chat with him (realizing perfectly well that he's Scottish): 'so, if you don't mind me asking, what part of Ireland are you from?' 'I'm from Scotland.' 'Ahhh.'

People seem to be pretty positive about Higashiura. The staff is less organized, the place is messier, but a lot of students who just want to fuck the teachers go there. So maybe this is the best thing for me.

To be safe, I just sent applications to the three other big English schools in Japan with Tokyo as my destination. If they respond quickly enough I can make the trip up there for this weekend or the next and maybe get myself hired before August.

I guess I really do look like Prince

Back in middle school I used to get picked on for looking like Prince. It really bothered me then, but I've come to terms with it.

The other night, my roommates and I went to Toriko's (an izakaya in Kyowa) and a drunk-ass Japanese guy that bought me a few drinks told me that I reminded him of someone. He took a long, slow sip of sake and thought for a minute. His whole face lit up and he announced to the bar 'He look like Prince!'

Not to be outdone, some other guy said, 'No no no... he look more like Mr. Bean!'

Thanks guys. The Mr. Bean reference is a first for me, but I guess I really do resemble Prince in some way. American 7th graders and a drunk Japanese salariman can't be wrong.

Mihama

I went to Mihama, a city on the southern end of the Chita peninsula, this past Friday. There's a 10km path to hike that runs through orange groves. It was a good hike and part of the trail runs along the ocean. The beaches in Mihama suck though as they look more like Oakland harbor than say, the Cape. Theres all this industrial crap built in the water and despite the long-ass beaches, no one was swimming or laying out. The trail was fun but there are some mutant species of wildlife in Japan. I actually ran away from a butterfly. Butterflies larger than my hand and anything that can jump as high as my face gets ran away from, no questions asked.

Also, the center of my chest hurts every time I try to do push-ups. How can I tell if I broke something? Did I already ask this?

There's a mighty judgement coming...

Its hard to find a reason to go to work when its so nice outside, the classes that I have to teach today suck, and I'm only on for five lessons. Its much easier to skip work on a half-day. Someone at Nova should make a note of this.

I went out to a beer garden last night with my roommate Tom and I didn't enjoy talking to him. He was a literature major at Evergreen College in Washington State and everything that goes along with that. He likes to make tons of unfunny references to books and authors and shit. So, I'll talk about books with him but our conversation sounds more like a list of books than it does an actual conversation. Its so lame. I'll ask him who he likes to read, and then he'll just list four authors without any real explanation and then he'll mention what some other author said about books or something. I'd gladly trade him to any of you for a jar of Teddy's Peanut Butter.

I'm gonna spend today at Mister Donut again, studying Japanese.

The spiders from Mars

its raining here. im headed over to mr. donut to study japanese and finish the 1,001 arabian nights today. i was going to either go to tokoname with teruko, head out to himaka island, or hike on the orange trail in mihama if it hadn't been for this stupid weather. if it rains tomorrow as well I'll need to take a day off from work next week to keep myself from attacking my co-workers and students.

i talked to daniela this morning which was awesome. in our conversation i mentioned that i've never laughed at so many bad jokes and non-jokes before.

bored sensei: how are you?
eager student: fine.
bored sensei: why fine?
eager student: because weather is shining!
bored sensei: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! good one!

thats not even a joke.

in my own opinion im a terrible fucking teacher. im not teaching anyone anything. i also believe that im a MUCH better teacher than most of my coworkers. This guy I dont like named Mark is actually pretty good at his job, but the rest of my coworkers are terrible. This Canadian girl I work with does an activity called 'Listen and Repeat' with upper levels that is such a bad idea. Its where the teacher reads a sentence out loud and then the students try to imitate the pronounciation. its for the lowest levels only and just bores higher-level students. i heard her doing that for level 6 students the other day, and a level 6 student is capable of telling you a short story about what they did yesterday. They have a lot of grammatical problems but their english ability is pretty good, so to read sentences to them is like asking a native speaker to come up with vocab for a day at the beach. Like, are you serious?

36-year old guy from Albany: Sand?
NOVA teacher: EXCELLENT!
36-year old guy from Albany: haha. ok. how about... blankets.
NOVA teacher: Good job!
36-year old guy from Albany: Ok. Whats the point of this?
NOVA teacher: Are you sure you can't think of just one more???
36-year old guy from Tacoma: The sea. As in, I'm going to drown you in the sea if you don't actually teach me something.


Sigh. Rain sucks.


"You spin me right round baby, right round
Like a record baby, right round round round

...

all i know is that to me
you look like you're lotsa fun
open up your loving arms
i want some, want some"

Dead or Alive, I miss you.

It breaks my heart in two...

So my roommate Thomas brought his sweet-ass Mac to Japan but apparently that doesn't mean anything for me. I wanted to use his Mac yesterday after work so I sent him a text message from the train. He said that I can use it as soon as he gets home. So fucking lame. He has a password on the damned thing so I can't get into it without him either.

Who wants to write emails, update their blog, and look at some hard-core porn with another guy looking over their shoulder? Plus, I have to use it in his room so when he's home I'm in his way the whole time.

If anyone knows how to break into a Mac, please let me know.

How to lose someone in 6 emails

Things took a quick turn for the worse. Observe.



EMAIL #1

To Benjamin

Hello!! I read language-exchange recruitment at International center.

Did you get good partner already??

I want to help you learning Japanese and please help me speaking English.

My name is Manami. 23years old soon. I am Japanese woman.

I work at Aichi prefectual office. I am a local government officer.

I can speak Chinese a litte too.

My hobby is Japanese archery and tennis and snow boading reading books,,,etc.

If you have a interest about me, please give me a contact and please tell me about you.

If you can, please send me your photo.

I wait your return.

Thank you.

Manami



EMAIL #2

Hi Manami!

What kind of books do you like to read? I snowboard and play a little tennis too, but my primary interest is reading. I also love English and Japanese hip-hop.

I don't mind emails but I'm much better at getting coffee. If you have free time next Thursday or Friday, I'm available.

I'll show you my photo if you show me yours.

benn



EMAIL #3

To Benjamin

Hello!! Thank you your immediate answer to my mail.

It is Friday today!!　It comes weekend !！ Iam very happy♪

By the way, I don't know your basic information.

Are you a woman aren't you?? How old are you? Where are you from??


Manami



EMAIL #4

Hello.

My name is Benjamin. I am a man from Boston in the US, and I'm 24 years old.

please text me at bennegan@vodafone.ne.jp if you want to get coffee this Thursday or Friday.

I don't check this email account often so if you send me messages, it might take up to a week for me to reply.

How are you!??!?!?!!?

benn



EMAIL #5

Hello!!

I am Manami. Last week I was very busy!! Sorry!

I try to meet you. But , you didn't send me a photo. So my mother and my boyfriend don't permit me to meet you. I think they are careful of me.

Sorry!!



EMAIL #6

No problem. It sounds like you have a pretty scary life though. I
dont think that you have room for a friendship with me.

Also, how does a picture of me help anything? It doesnt.

Have a nice life.

benn

From Kyowa

I am updating this from my apartment in Kyowa. My roommate Thomas has a bad-ass Mac and we found an unsecured wireless connection, so I'm in business.

Nothing to write about though...

Movies that suck

I saw The Omen and I thought it was terrible. Unless Damien's father is the priest with the 666 birthmark, the movie didn't make any sense. I realize that there's a second and third movie, but to leave so many questions unanswered was pretty lame.

I watched the DVD commentary afterwards. To hear the writer and director talking about their inspiration made me hate the movie even more.

The writer said that the idea came to him when he was eating lunch with a weird religious friend and he was asked: 'Hey, what if the anti-Christ comes back and is only a small child?' The writer then ran home and wrote the first 10 pages of the story. Wow. What genius. I don't think you can use the phrase 'the idea came to me' in that situation, I think the more correct term is 'the idea was placed gently in my lap by a former friend who no longer talks to me because I hella-ripped him off.'

I was going to skip the next two but I think Christopher Walken is in one of them.

Quit playin' bitch; get in.

At Sakae again. It could start raining at any moment.

I woke up today to find some of my Japanese homework corrected with a note attached telling me 'ganbatte ne.' I don't know what the word 'ne' does to a command, but the first word means to persevere. Who the fuck corrected my homework? I guess one of my roommates brought someone back to our apartment last night after I had gone to sleep and they thought they'd help me out. Remind me to thank you with a sandwich full of pubes. Persevere! Asshole. I AM persevering thank you very much.

I picked up two books on kanji and I'm about to head to Mr. Donut again. I'll send a few emails from this laptop before I go to people who texted me about meeting up. I haven't paid my phone bill so I can't text from my phone anymore. I can receive calls and emails but I've lost the ability to make them. I'll get on it. Soon. I promise.

I haven't weighed myself since January. I haven't been able to find a free scale yet. You've all seen the recent pictures of me, right? What do you think I'm down to? I hope its not below 160.

I'm going to stop at a few travel agencies today and ask about prices for Ireland in August. Keep your fingers crossed guys.

I hope this works

I'm changing my approach to NOVA. Today I was given a form to sign so that I can go to Toyohashi on the 26th and get TOEIC/TOEFL training. Training is pretty much mandatory, but you still have to sign this form and consent to be trained. So I'm not signing shit. That's my new approach.

I have the form in my bag right now and I'm going to tear it up and throw it away when I get home. Training isn't mandatory if they need my permission to go ahead with it. That much seems clear. So, if I can refuse training, what incentive do I have to take on yet more work for no additional money? Maybe that's not how things are done in Japan but that's also how things are done when you're dealing with suckers.

I'll call my boss and let him know that if they want me to get trained then I'd better see some more money or a change in my schedule. I want three-day weekends and no more half-days. Those are my demands. That, or one tobaggan ride, per week, with any NOVA student I want.

I think I'm actually prepared to lose my job over this. I don't think they can afford to fire me right now with the teacher shortages at both Higashiura and Handa, so this is definitely a calculated risk. If I do get fired over my refusal to sign the form, than I'll pack up my shit and go to Tokyo to find a new job. I would have enough money to get by for a couple of months and I don't think it would be hard to get hired again in that time. I think I'm also willing to gamble with my job because I came to Japan to have an adventure and working at a boring-ass job while saving all my money is hardly what I would call an adventure. I should quit based on that reasoning alone and try to join the yakuza. Or move to Mie and join the ninja town. Or set up a tent on Himaka Island and live off of the octopus there.


Octopus? Octopus(s)es? Octopi?

Pictures from Kevin

(sigh)

I miss you guys.

Moderately interesting

I'm about to open up to you all and I'm already feeling guilty about it. The woman I'm about to talk about is awesome and things could turn quasi-serious between us. I just don't want to do anything that I'll regret. On the other hand, check out how awesome this is:

I'm sort-of seeing a smoking-hot possibly fake-tittied 40-year-old Japanese divorcee. That may have been the largest number of hyphens I've ever used in a single sentence.

I had a date with her last Thursday, and I missed a call from her today. I'm actually only guessing that she's around 40 since she wouldn't tell me her age. She knows that I'm older than 23 (that was her guess) but I didn't tell her exactly how old I am because two can play that game.

At the end of the night she seemed concerned that I might miss my train home, and I assured her that I would be ok. Then it occurred to me that she might be inviting me to go back home with her, so I acted panicked and asked her what I should do if I missed the train. She said she didn't know, so I told her that I would be fine then. I dont know if I fucked up what she intended as an offer or I read into that too much. She's classy so I dont think she's the kind of woman who would jump the gun like that.

She worked at a securities firm for 8 years after graduating from college. Then she got married, divorced, and began a part-time job doing reception work at a real estate firm. She moved to Canada over a year ago to learn English. She returned to Nagoya a month ago and she stared a new job two days ago.

She has awesome boobs for a Japanese woman, but they were suspiciously perky for her age and I'm pretty sure her nipples were hard for the entire time we were together (at the time I thought she was just really into me...).

On a related note:

I got a few more texts from psycho stalker girl (like she has a chance with this kind of competition) and she announced to me that she has finally finished her classes at NOVA (Im assuming this means we can hang out all the time now). I deleted her messages and im actually thinking about blocking her number.

There is no finish line

If I didn't know any better I'd say a slightly out of shape Kirsten Dunst just walked in and started to email behind me.

A few beers and a beautiful day

Tenki wa ii desu ne. Thats going to be my opening line when I start to chat with Japanese people today. I had Irish coffee and a few beers for breakfast and now I'm loose. I want to make some friends and flirt with girls but without a few beers I'm just too god-damned shy to do anything about it.

So, I threw on my favorite shirt and bought a new gray and orange bandana with a dragon on it. I'm going to make some friends.

I had a talk with my Aussie roommate today and he really isn't such a bad guy. He said that one thing about having an ego, but I don't mind him at all. He showed me his sketch book for some reason and his stuff isn't bad. I mean, it eats a dick compared to my stuff (of course) but its good.

Work sucks the life out of me. I've been listening to a lot of Neil Young and I love the line from one of his songs: 'not a day goes by and I dont burn a little bit of my soul.' Awesome. Exactly man, exactly. I wish I could just win the lottery and drink beer, smoke pot, and flirt with Japanese girls, but its not in the kaado I suppose. I've been bitching to Daniela recently about how boring my life is and whatever else, but its not Japan's fault. I think of all the places I could be right now I would be happiest here.

I have plans to meet some guy for coffee today (his English seems pretty solid) but tomorrow I want to go to Himaka Island. Himaka is Japanese for Octopus and the island is right off the southern tip of the Chita peninsula (where I live and work). You can get really good octopus and raw fish there and its supposed to be just a great lonely little island. I want to read and swim and just fuck around and inch allah I'll be there tomorrow at this time.

Madlib

I've been listening to some new music thanks to my Aussie roommate but only one of his suggestions has stood out. The producer Madlib (in the foreground with MF Doom in the mask) is currently my favorite artist. I recommend his Quasimoto stuff, but his other projects (Madvillain, Jaylib) are good too. This post is really aimed at my Brandeis friends (which is a terrible way to refer to you guys, and I'm sorry), but I recommend his stuff to anyone who likes hip-hop.

My hot date

I met Yuuko yesterday. I hadn't had nearly enough to drink. She had a great time with me and hasn't stopped texting me since then. Awesome. Now I need to find out how to get numbers blocked.

From a distance she looked like a little old lady. She was anxiously walking around the TV Tower all hunched over and shit and was distrustfully clutching at her purse while doing it. I just had a feeling that was the girl I was supposed to meet and almost bailed at the last minute. She had on thick glasses and more than her fair share of facial moles.

She's 24, works at a grocery store, lives with her parents, doesn't like to read, listed Maroon 5 and the Backstreet Boys as her favorite bands, and said 'really!? to everything I said.

Half-mole half-Japanese woman thing: Do you have sister or brother?
The white Mos Def: yeah, a sister.
Half-mole thing: Really!? Is she older or younger?
The white Mos Def: younger by about a year.
Half-mole half-broken record thing: Really!?

Yeah, really. I'm THAT amazing baby.

I bought lunch and then we went to a big bookstore (I have no idea why). She brought over a copy of Bill Clinton's autobiography to show me and then, laughing hysterically, returned it to the shelf. That was it for me. I told her I had to go home when we got outside. Rookie mistake. She was going home too which meant a 20 minute walk together to Nagoya Station. I started to just lie to her and didn't bother to correct her when she fucked up all the details of everything we had been talking about. Yes, I live in Handa City. My roommate's name... Zeus. Yeah, I lived in Canada. They eat babies there. They're considered a delicacy.

Not that I think I'm anything special (actually, I do), but I'll smash my balls flat with a hammer before her and I do anything together again.

The Rising Sun

I tricked out my bookshelf today. It needs another coat of paint or two but you get the idea.

Respect the emperor. Expel the foreign barbarian.

Friday

I'm including photos of myself doing jack shit in this post. I don't think a picture of me drinking coffee is particularly interesting but I do think everyone appreciates visuals. Maybe I'm thinking of 'everyone appreciates porn.' I can't really remember.

So one of my dad's daily rituals (the naked goat-sacrificing is only a special occasion kind-of-thing) is to drink a little Bailey's in his coffee. As my last roommate left us an unopened bottle of Bailey's, I thought I'd celebrate a day without work and have a cup. It was nice and set the pace of the day. That pace included studying Japanese, reading, and lying to my boss when she showed up today.

As long as I'm mentioning my dad, he's been hitting his emails out of the park with these random quotes and bits of wisdom. The most recent:

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

“Which road do I take?” she asked.

“Where do you want to go?” was his response.

“I don't know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn't matter.”



If you don't like it, feel free to catch crabs.

Bang up job, Washington State

So I got a new roommate today. Lucky number three is from eastern Washington and he rocks. I could be wrong, but I'm never wrong, so probably not. He's a literature major and, unlike the previous invader of my personal space, cool. The last thing he said to me before he left to buy a change of clothes was "I'll try not to be a douche bag."

That's all I ask.

The grind

I got my first complaint at work the other day. Someone said I was talking too fast and they couldn't understand me.

No shit.

I actually can't believe that someone hasn't said that earlier. Sometimes I get carried away in the classroom and it occurs to me that I'm going WAY too fast. I'm used to blank stares so I miss the cues when I start to do this.

So my quasi-boss had a heart-to-heart with me that I thought was in bad taste. Maybe its just Nova policy to let the teachers know every time something negative is said, but by his own admission this is the first bad comment in a sea of good ones. Why did anyone find it necessary to tell me then? They couldn't just cut me some slack? Everyone has bad days. Why did they need to rub it in my face when they almost never tell me when good things are said? Maybe this isn't the first comment about my speed that they've received or maybe it was just an excuse to talk to me about the second issue. I asked for a transfer form a few days ago. My quasi-boss tossed in at the end of his speech that I was doing a great job and everyone hoped that I would stay around for a long time. Regardless, they're all assholes. Not my quasi-boss, who's quasi-alright, but everyone else. He doesn't get off the hook completely because it was still him I had to deal with and he's just on his way to becoming a spitting image of everyone else in the company who sucks dick proper.

Also, I've started to introduce language into the lessons that I think is more appropriate for everyday usage. For example, in a lower-level lesson, someone might get asked 'how is your job?' to which they are given a veritable galaxy of suggested responses: 'its ok,' 'its good,' and 'it's pretty good.' Cutting edge stuff. So I added 'It sucks' and encouraged everyone to use it. They understood that I was giving them something that Nova might not approve of because everytime someone said it I cracked up. In a lesson about pets, students are encouraged to use adjectives to defend their pet preferences.

Automaton 1: 'Do you like dogs?'
Automaton 2: 'yes'
1: 'why?'
2: 'because they're cute.'

Suggested adjectives include interesting, quiet, cute, ugly, and clever. So I added tasty, evil, and a few others. Every time someone said they liked cats because they were tasty, again, I got a kick out of it.

The trick is to keep yourself interested in the lessons because if you're interested then the students feed off of your energy and everything goes really smooth. I even have fun in some lessons. I'm just worried that when the laughs from this innocent stuff wear off I'm going to find it necessary to start being innappropriate.

Oh yeah, and the other day I had my first Topic Voice lesson. This is where for two consecutive 40-minute blocks you need to keep up to 15 Japanese students talking about something. Thanks to the limited vocabulary of most students, this is actually quite hard. Teachers have to put some serious thought into what to talk about for an hour and a half. So I brought in my iPod and incomplete lists of the lyrics to about 8 songs. So I had the students sit around and try to fill in the blanks and then try to guess the title of the song at the end. I was really disppointed when only three students showed up, but it was genius. The songs included:

The Beatles 'With a Little Help From My Friends'
Oasis 'Wonderwall'
Sublime 'Summertime'
Akon 'Mr. Lonely'
Johnny Cash 'A Boy Named Sue'

and three others that now I can7t remember. We only got through 5 songs in an hour and a half because I had to keep repeating parts of the songs. I had a lot of fun doing it but I wish I could have brought in better music. I picked those songs because I hoped they were familiar with them (at least a little bit) and because I thought the spoken English was clear enough where they could pick out the words. My first list included 'CREAM' by Wu-Tang and 'Stan' by Eminem and Dido, but after actually listening to the songs and the words I decided against it. Since I was handing everyone in the room the words to the songs, if just one person was offended, they had all the proof they needed to hand to the Japanese staff downstairs. I imagine a song about letting your pregnant girlfriend suffocate to death in the trunk of your car while you drive it over a bridge is not what my empoyers would consider appropriate.

My prep work at 11:30am

Time to offend people who think of themselves as ugly...

I did a few shots this morning before leaving the house. I have tentative plans to meet this girl (I don't even know her name) at the TV Tower at 2:30 and I don't expect things to go well. She said the ONE THING that she wasn't supposed to say to me. She sent me a text (after I basically yelled at her for trying, yet again, to blow me off) and said:

"Im not cute.. U meet me?"

You stupid, stupid girl. Maybe she's just being modest (fingers crossed). But why would I deal with all of this crap and neediness for an ugly girl? No offense to ugly girls, but if you're nuts on top of ugly, who the fuck wants to deal with you? Of course, after she said that I couldn't cancel our plans, as that would probably shatter her fragile self-confidence and forever confirm that she is in fact, ugly. So I'm going ahead with my plans despite that text and hoping for the best. This goes a long way to explain the reluctance to meet me though.

Package number 2!!!

Another package showed up today! Hooray! This one was from my mom and it was sent on April 4th. Holy merciful shit. I thought it took long for Daniela's box to show up! Customs is reponsible for the timing problems. They apparently begin committed relationships with the contents of any package coming into the country. I called my mom to thank her but thanks to the time difference its still 2003 there and she hasn't sent the package yet.

So I'm finally going to meet my Japanese stalker in an hour. She blew me off last weekend (yes, both days) but she felt it necessary to text and call me all week to confirm that we were meeting this weekend instead. Including this gem on Tuesday just to make sure I knew that we were't meeting on that day:

"Me too U remember We meet Tursday?"

Yeah. I think I can keep the difficult concepts of Thursday and Tuesday separate. I don't mean to brag, but this is my first language. Also, this one on Wednesday:

"Im in NAGOYA stason. Im think go library there is fun?"

I told her I was there one time and apparently she took it to heart. Is the library fun? Good question. Tell you what: picture a library. Ok? Can you visualize it? Shelves, dust, and lots of books, right? Ok. Now, if you think that's fun, then yes, the NIC library is fun.

What kind of a question is that, English ability or no?

Depressing perspective

I rarely hit the 'next blog' button on this site's tool bar but I did today and depressed myself. My thoughts and posts are completely average. They read exactly like every other idiot's with nothing to talk about.

From some moron's blog:

"so the little wench of a slag is telling my friends that her and tylor are aparently going out. But he specifically told me that he didn't want to date her. So like WHAT THE FUCK??? and if they are going out and he LIED to me i'm going to kill him. and his slag..."

Obviously, who cares? But if you compare that to any post on this site, the differences are superficial. I'm just rambling about nothing and my problems aren't even as interesting as this girl's. Man. I just bummed myself out. I think the problem isn't the blog or my ability to write; the problem is that I'm doing nothing with my time. I need a hobby or something. Even the site that said something like: 'don't blame all skinheads for what only a small number of us have done' seems more interesting. He's completely batshit, but at least his site is more interesting to read than what some idiot is doing in Japan.

I found the blog of some art student who posts pictures of all of his work, a Thai student at Dartmouth's, and some Asian bible group's site. All seem much more interesting than this.

Maybe I should kidnap some kids and flee to North Korea to spice things up.

You gotta know how to talk dirty baby

I got a few texts this morning from another psycho. I think I'm gonna ride this one out though and see where it takes me. From earlier:

Whack job #2: How are U?
Bandana man: im genki as hell---what are you up to today???!!!?!?!
Whack job: No plan Today and Tomorrow

Whack job: and U?date with girl?HAHA
Bandana man: arent you fiesty? maybe i am and maybe im not... lets get together today---can you get to sakae today?
Whack job: What we will?
Bandana man: koohii unless you have a better idea
Whack job: you are not date?
-----------------------SHE CALLS
Bandana man: im in a library right now so im not gonna answer that
Whack job: Where library?
Bandana man: kokusai center stop on sakura
Whack job: Oh!!3F?? long time ago I went to there, sometime I think want to go, but better not alone,...and My ancle live near there
Bandana man: yeah, thats the one
Whack job: What are U doing there?
Bandana man: nothing---do you want to get together later?
Whack job: go out with U?
Bandana man: do you want to get coffee or not?
Whack job: U want to together??
Bandana man: now?
Bandana man: do you know the mr donut not too far from sakae and next to the haagen daaz??? want to meet there in an hour and a half?

Her English seems atrocious but I haven't met any new Japanese people in a long time and, again, she might be cute. I don't understand why her answers to my questions make such little fucking sense. Is her English that bad or is she just nuts? I think anyone who asks on the third text if you're dating anyone is probably a tad off their rocker. Or just really fucking desperate.

I downloaded a shitload of music last night: Prince, Sage Francis, and different Madlib projects (Quasimoto, Jaylib, and Madvillain). I've been rocking out to Prince all day long. Because kids in my middle school rode me about looking like him I learned to hate him from an early age. Well that sucks because his music is awesome. I would recommend anyone who doesn't like it to give it another chance. Personal favorites: Little Red Corvette, 7, and You Don't Have to Be Rich. I've only discovered the tip of the iceberg though.

I obviously don't have much to say, so I'm gonna go kill some time until I'm drugged, raped, and then kept in a giant fishtank by some Japanese girl. Could someone get my eyes and heart from eBay and have them transported back to the States for a proper burial in about six months?

Thoughts

So I'm sitting here in my favorite internet cafe/masturbation parlor, nursing my beer and doing some deep thinking.

I am enjoying the fucking hell out of being in Japan right about now. I love this blog and I look forward to updating it all week. The beer sucks but it grows on you. My new room is fucking awesome. I got a package from Daniela (who is, without a doubt, a better friend to me than any of you have in anyone else) full of candy, literature, and peanut butter. And no fewer than four students of mine asked if I was dating anyone this week (reacting predictably interested when I told them that I was not). My life fucking rocks right now.

I would be completely content doing this (or something similar in another country) until I'm 30. This may be the beer talking (I weigh like 160 pounds now so it doesn't take much to beat me up) but I think I'm going to stay abroad for awhile.

Sixth response looks like a good'un

Hello.

My name is [contestant #6]. I saw your ad @ KOKUSAI center.
Id like to have some English speaker friends.

Im 24 years olds office worker in Nagoya.(female)
I like Movies Music football ice hockey hanging out with friends etc.

Ofcource I teach Japanese if u want to.

Hope 2 hear from u soon.

[contestant #6]

O full of scorpions is my mind!

A package arrived today from Daniela jam-packed with love and candy! I don't think it would be any gross exaggeration to say that I would murder the children of everyone in this internet cafe and burn the building to the ground to get a hug from her right about now. I took a bunch of pictures of what she sent me and a few of my new room. I even paid tribute to my new room and its Japaneeziness by having an imaginary ninja fight. Enjoy!

My response to Contestant #1

Hello [contestant #1]!

I'm very interested in learning Japanese, and I would love to teach you English! Which English school were you learning at? Why and how did you fail school?

You're English is better than my Japanese, but I'll give it a shot:

Konnichiwa! Benjamin Egan de, Amerikajin desu. Nova de eigo o oshieteimasu. Boston kara kimashita. nijuuyon sai desu. kissaten ni nihongo o benkyoo shi ni ikimasu. mokuyoobi to kinyoobi asobimasu. nihon no bungaku ga suki desu.

benn

Thanks for stroking my ego

I can't believe how many people read this blog. When I read my old posts they all sound like crap, but 43 people read that crap last Thursday.

You guys are making me blush.

And you're giving me a raging hard-on.

Should have been more specific...

All four new responses are disqualified for illegal possession of dick. I couldn't say 'dick need not apply' in my post at the NIC, but if any of them bothered to read between the lines, they could have saved themselves the trouble (the guy who apologized for being a man knew what the deal was). I know how hard it is to compose something in a foreign language. I hope they didn't spend too much time writing those...

I would like to learn more about Japan and get out to see some more things, so I may contact the guy who lived in California (his English seems pretty solid). We'll see.

More responses to my NIC post

Contestent #2:

Hello Benjamin
How are you ? I'm [blah blah blah]. I'm a Japanese man.
I saw your paper in NIC the other day. I'm intereted in English and movie.
I'd like to exchage with you in English and Japanese.
I live in Toyokawa. But I often go to Nagoya in a month.
My dayoff is Saturday and Sunday.
I hope you'll send me E-mail.
Sincerely
[blah blah blah]



Contestent #3:

Hi! I'm Ken. And Japanese. I have read your message at International Center.And I have decided to send you this mail.I have made friends there before,but the friend has gone back Australia because he takes over his family's job.I want to exchange languages with you.If you don't mind,would you send me your e-mail in your free time.How about you?



Contestant #4:

Hello.
I am [blah blah blah](I am sorry. a man) and have read your message in
Nagoya International Center today.
I'm intersted in the system not only to make my English better, but to make
friends from the world.

I have started to work as an engineer from this April after I had master
degree.
If you have interst in me, plz e-mail me. Or you can call me from 6 P.M. to
11 P.M.

Best
[blah blah blah]



Contestent #5

HI !

Nice to meet you!
My name is Akihiro.
I had been in California ,United States for three years as an international
student.
I found your notice on bulletin board at international center.
I am interested in exchanging languages.
Please tell me your free time if you do not mind.

Akihiro

Nova sucks and my boss is a cunt

So I got a phone call today from my boss and she told me my schedule is changing. This is going to affect me in three ways. I am now going to teach a Chibiko class (2 to 4 year olds I think), which is going to suck. Its going to change when I work on Mondays (from 5-9pm）to much earlier. Finally, since I'm no longer working the late shift (which carries a cash bonus of about $50/month) I'll be making less money now for working the same number of hours.

So for some reason all of this was way too much for me to handle and now I'm in a fucking rage. On top of that, my boss always talks down to me (more in tone than words) and it just reminds me how dispensible to Nova I am. So I was talking to my friend Rhea on the ride home and we both vented for a bit. How many English teachers are in Japan right now? Not nearly enough. How many Japanese want to learn English? Every single person it seems. How the fuck am I dispensible? Only an idiot who doesn't realize how valuable he is would allow himself to be treated like this. Nova should be tossing my salad right now in order to keep me happy. And my ass is quite dry and I wouldn't be opposed to a good tossing. Nova makes a killing off of this whole English-language school scam and I'm doing all of the work. I could easily find another job. I'm going to get applications for all of the other language schools tonight after writing some emails and see what my options are. Although I already realize that anyone I work for is probably going to be an asshole and shit all over me. The one option available to me that makes sense is to get private teaching jobs and be self-employed.

There are a few websites here that put English-speakers in touch with potential Japanese students for private lessons. You can expect to make about 3000 yen an hour (depending on the exchange rate, maybe 27 bucks) which is more than I earn per lesson at Nova. When it comes down to it, private lessons make too much sense. I could make my own hours and finally get Saturdays and Sundays off. I could take time off without getting it approved (I would warn students of course, but no one would have the ability to deny me anything) and I could even put my hair back into a mohawk if I felt ballsy enough. I could wear T-shirts, shorts, and sandals as well. I wouldn't have to listen to my douche-bag boss, and I could even tell her the fuck off before I quit. Oh man. That alone makes this whole thing worth it.

So I'm going to go create some profiles online and see if any students email me. I mean, think about how much sense this actually makes. 3000 yen for a single lesson is a bargain. You pay less at Nova per lesson but they require you to buy these ridiculously expensive packages for the entire year and most students don't even get to use up all of their class hours. They're going to learn from me regardless (the me at Nova, or the me doing private students) so what do they care where it takes place. Plus, doing private lessons always means one-on-one lessons which are preferrable for the student. I could do group lessons on my own and really clean the fuck up, but I think there are some baby steps to make first.

Oh man. I think this is an adventure that would teach me important life lessons as well. To be self-employed is something that would teach me things I could take back to the States and use. It sounds really fun to me right now too. The problem is that Nova is so fucking easy. Plus I love my room now, and I don't want to give it up for a tiny hole in the wall in Nagoya. Or do I? It would be cool to live downtown...

Ok, the guy who promises the most does the least (or so says some internet forward) so I need to go do some work.

How do I create my own lessons?

Manic Monday

Brian moved out yesterday. I've already moved most of my shit into his room and (if I can use an analogy) if my old living arrangments were a handjob, this new space is a three-day orgy with all of your favorite celebrities. I'll include some pictures of what I've done with the place on Thursday or Friday.

I went to an Aeon mall today and bought some Shamoji paper, which is the really thin stuff that is used in Japanese doors. Someone who had my room decided it would be a good idea to punch out all of the paper, probably under the influence of alcohol, leaving me with a three-hour job on my hands. I fixed both doors, cleaned my tatami mats, and hung all of my maps, pictures, and postcards on the walls.

My roommate voiced his concern about me moving into the room, but he's way too much of a pussy to do anything about it. He just made some little sarcastic comments (nervously laughing the whole time) about how since I had been here longer I was entitled to it. I'm not dumb enough to respond to something like that because it would only lead to a lot of whining, Aussie-style. He can have my room when he pulls it from my cold, dead fingers.

My giant grape of a toe

When was the last time you just fell for no damned reason? The other day I was walking through the parking lot of a 7-11 (yes, we have those) and I tried to hop gingerly over a cement retaining wall and landed right on my face.

I tried to push off with my left foot and land on my right, but I kicked off my Birkenstock in the process and really took a fall.

I banged up both of my knees and of course attracted the attention of a few people passing by.

The next day my toe turned purple.

I can feel it when I pinch the tip of it and I can wiggle it more and more each day so I think I'm good.

But seriously, when was the last time you did something like that? I couldn't even remember the last time it happened.

My potential stalker

These are the texts that a girl I met on the internet and I exchanged today. I've only answered one of her five phone calls because she can't speak any English. I'm getting really annoyed but I can't just tell her to leave me alone because I'm too nice and she might be cute.

potential murderer: Good morning!What are U doing Today?
potential victim: not much---how about you?
murderer: me too
victim: do you work today?
murderer: No...
victim: you wanna get coffee?
murderer: Wow native English!!
victim: where do you want to meet? are you near sakae?
murderer: Where U live?
victim: in obu but im at nagoya station right now
murderer: why??
victim: no reason --- where are you?
murderer: Why are U NAGOYA stason?
victim (annoyed): no reason
murderer: I'm home watch TV

murderer: What are U doing Tomorrow?
victim: working from noon on, you?
murderer: When is day off?
victim: next thurs and fri but if you have a good idea i can make the time
murderer: What do U do Today?
victim: im going to the mr. donut in obu to study japanese
murderer: Now?
victim: maybe at 2ish
murderer: How was NAGOYA?
victim: its always good---hows tv at home?
murderer: sometime boring
victim: what is your favorite tv show?
murderer: any so lomance and love comedy
victim: for example?
------------------- SHE CALLS BUT I DONT PICK UP
murderer: Romio&Juriet.American Pie, many
victim: which romeo & juliette? the older zefferelli version or the luhrmann remake with leo dicaprio? have you ever seen eternal sunshine of the spotless mind?
murderer: Yes I saw Why?
-------------------SHE CALLS AGAIN AND I STILL DONT ANSWER
victim: thats one of my favorite movies thats why... im in a cafe now and thats why im not answering---i dont want to be noisy
murderer: Oh U lean JAPANESE?
victim: yeah everyday. i have memorized almost 300 kanji but i still dont understand anything...
murderer: U like Lomance movies?
victim: yes, i like some. i like leon too---but i prefer to read.
murderer: U dont lean your GF?
victim: lean? i dont have a gf.

Thats where I left it because there's no way I can talk to this girl for more than a few minutes at a time. I think to appreciate my position you would need to have spoken to her for 45 minutes on the phone without understanding anything that was said. Her texting is deceptive. I'll let you all know how it goes as I'm sure she'll try to call me again.

The new roommate

Brian is leaving for Beijing on the 15th so I'm taking his sweet-ass room when he leaves. It will be just Dave and me until another American shows up on the 28th or 29th of May.

We had a party last night for Brian and Rachel Ching at Red Rock and it was the first time I've had a chance to see my new roommate in a social setting. He's quiet and weird, but so am I so I thought we were getting along fine.

It turns out he sucks.

And he hates me.

He over-dressed for the occassion in my opinion. I had on my Green Wave T-shirt but stopped short of wearing a bandana; he showed up like it was club night. Not really a problem, but I'm trying to paint a picture. He chatted to a few people and then settled down next to me. We chatted about some random pretentious things (he was an art major and everything that goes with that) and the conversation hovered around how lame the bar scene is in general. He mentioned that back home he prefered the more relaxed atmosphere of jazz bars where, I imagine, everyone looks gay in black berets and talks about really intellectual things like how George Bush is exactly like Hitler.

So after a few drinks he really starts to geek it up. He was just laughing too much at things that weren't funny and he had this big dopey smile on his face. With a few drinks it looked like he was really enjoying himself making everything he said before seem more like a cover for how awkward he is.

After we left the bar, we passed by a fire extinguisher in its case. I've been studying kanji like crazy and I told him that I could read the three kanji on it: extinguish, fire, and utensil. 'Thats a fire extinguisher' I alerted him. Now, this was meant to be funny (sort of) because I could see that it said fire extinguisher underneath the kanji in English. He told me that he could read it too and pointed out the English. We argued for a minute as I tried to defend the kanji I've learned. The last thing he said to me (and we haven't spoken since) was 'you have an ego.'

No shit I have an ego. Everyone who knows me knows I have an ego and I do some pretty pretentious shit. But THIS GUY doesn't know me. And he's the fucking pretentious one anyway. He's the one who always tries to talk about films and books and shit. He lost me a little bit when he started talking about metaphysic narratives in film but only because he was trying to like an asshole.

Fucking Tasmanian. Another Australian that I talked to helped me shed some light on the problem. He's from Tasmania. He's socially-awkward, probably has an inferiority comlex and definitely has something against Americans. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because I feel like accusing someone of anti-Americanism is like, the lamest cop-out you can come up with. He is though. I actually know a lot of people here who are anti-American. A bunch of whiny bitches if you ask me.

'You have an ego.' He even said it like that. I am a robot from Tasmania.

An invasion of my privacy

Ok, so I think I'm going to turn my 'fluids exchange' experience into the most public thing I possibly can. I think that there's such a high potential for comedy with this thing that I wouldn't want any of you to miss it.

So I posted on Sunday, which was the 7th. Today is the 11th and I got my first response. This is what a girl I'll refer to as Contestant #1 wrote to me today:

I'm looking for a language exchange person.I like travel!I want to learn English for travel.
I had stadied English at an English school.but failed school this year.
I can speak English little so I can help you to speak Japanese.

Ok. Sounds good. Some grammatical and spelling errors but at least I can understand whats going on here. I'll write back to her before I leave here today and then add that to this blog so that everyone can keep up.

I have arrived

Anyone who has checked the comments posted to my last entry will have noticed something startling. This blog has received spam. To the douche bag who posted that: I am honored.

Movies

I got a book from the Tsurumai Central Library on the history of Japanese film. I got quite a ways into it and was a rarin' to go get some movies when I discovered something troubling. Japanese movies aren't released with English subtitles. Maybe one or two are, but they look like the Japanese equivalents of Armageddon and xXx, so I think I'll pass. Even classic Kurosawa films (the Hitchcock of Japanese direction) aren't released with subtitle options. What the fuck Japan? I know this is probably the most homogenous country in the world and its native English-speaking population consists of me and another guy, but how about a little effort? I checked the Hollywood section and found 8 languages available on its copy of Chicago. Why would you need to include Hungarian in your Japanese release? A Hungarian has yet to visit. I'm disappointed but I'll use this to redouble my efforts to learn the language. It will all pay off when I can watch Yamato (The Japanese war epic in the same vein as Pearl Harbor). There are so many good propaganda films that I want to see and no arbitrarily-constructed language is going to stop me. There's also a German film here on the life of Hitler that I want to watch, but predictably, its in German and Japanese only.

Fluids Exchange

So I finally caved in and posted a personal on the foreign language exchange board at the international center. The woman who gave me paper to post with told me that she would review what I wrote before it would be admitted to the board. Shit. I hadn't counted on that. I was going to be funny and gross and inappropriate but had to settle for something less inspired. I was all ready to go with this gem:

"American looking for love in all the moist places. Working knowledge of a language not required. Will regulate any shade."

But had to settle for the disappointingly less direct:

"I'm an American who has been living in Nagoya for the past 3 months. Of course I work for Nova (who doesn't?) and I want to learn some Japanese in exchange for English help. I'm looking for cool people who like to read and have a social life. I'd prefer someone who can communicate to some degree in English already since my Japanese leaves rings in the tub."

I know its terrible but no one I want to meet is going to be able to read it anyway.

Mister Coffee

The two Mister Coffee cafes in Obu and Nagoya have become my weekend haunts. I come to this internet cafe, go to the two libraries that have English books, and then head to the cafe to drink 20 cups of coffee and learn Japanese (its 262 yen for all you can drink American-style coffee and if I get hungry than they serve decent donuts and even ramen noodles). A sampling of my studying:

Sakae de kissaten ni nihongo o benkyoo shi ni ikimasu. Shizuka desu kara.
(I go to a cafe in Sakae to study Japanse. Because its quiet.)

I could write it out in hiragana with some kanji but I dont know how to do that with this laptop. But I'm definitely making progress. It doesn't translate into the real world yet and I can't understand anything anyone says to me, but I can put together some sentences fairly accurately. Its not easy. Jarod was being way too generous in his estimation of my abilities when he said I would be fluent in a year.

I think spending the rest of my life traveling around the world and learning different languages and reading would be an awesome lifestyle. Thats just where my heads at right now.

Overwhelming but I love it

This is just a general apology to everyone that doesn't get timely responses from me. Between writing emails and posting in the blog and doing some small things online I burn out quickly using this computer. I'll write back to you Ashley, Russ, Luke, Jeremy, and everyone else and I'm sorry if it takes me a little while. I never have enough time here either. Sorry again.

Tempting...

So I've signed up for a bunch of foreign language exchange program things in an attempt to meet horny Japanese girls. Every now and then I'll get a message from someone in my gmail account who wants to meet or email or whatever. So today I got a message from the guy who's picture I'm posting. If I ever want my hair braided maybe I'll give him a call. Maybe I should have included somewhere in my profiles that I don't enjoy an occassional dicking. I thought it was implied.

Yeah, so I've finally come around on the whole getting hella-laid in Japan thing. I'm going to go post an ad on the 'fluids exchange' at the International Center later on today. The other day when I took a train back from Toyohashi with Pat I asked him (because he seems to be quite successful at it) how you go about meeting Japanese girls. He told me that those boards and things are alright and that's how he met his first girl here. Then he said that sometimes your students will try to initiate something, but that of course is a little tricker. It's not really tricky, its just that you have to wait for them to initiate something because if you ask the wrong girl and she reports your ass, you're in bad shape. So, he said that he gets girls every now and then that will ask him if he has a girlfriend or if he wants to hang out. So I'm nonplussed. I'm a sexy bitch. Why haven't any of my hotter students said anything? And if the students that I have won't come to me, where do I go to get laid? So I guess I've decided these language exchange things are my best bet.

I've heard a story recently about some guy who had two girls in his class and gave his number to one of them. It was likely the girl who didn't get his number was the one who reported him, but he got in trouble. Its not that I mind getting yelled at, but they make you write a letter of apology and go this other crap that sounds like a hassle.

Pat's answer to why no student has said anything to me is that all the cool students left Handa and go to Higashiura instead. I guess the teachers at Handa turned prude at some point and drove all the cool girls away. That sucks. I should think about a transfer or something.

I'm pretty sure it was horse

I think I ate horse. I got meat on a stick from some street vendor and what I ate wasn't anything I recognize. When I asked the chef what it was he didn't use a word with which I'm familiar. I know the Japanese eat horse (raw horse in Gifu) and I'm completely convinced that's what I ate.

Not bad. The texture was weird. Its hard to describe. Not as hard to chew through but in a bad way. You'd have to try it yourself I guess. The only word that comes into my mind is mealey. Or mealy. However you spell that.

On the train ride home from Toyohashi we paused at a station and there was a guy and a girl sitting on the ground right outside of our window. The girl was wicked cute but the guy was very androgynous and lame. He looked like some kind of emo-wannabe with a really deep and hard-to-understand point of view (I'm making the jerk-off gesture with my hand while typing this). Anyway, it looked like he might have been crying or something (maybe they were breaking up?) and she was trying to console him. So naturally, we blew her a kiss from where we were sitting on the train. Her face lit up with this huge smile and she had to turn her head to prevent this guy from seeing her reaction. Weep on emo guy. Our thing works better though.

I'm going to see 'V is for Vendetta' as soon as I get some time off. Anyone go yet?