Fluids Exchange

So I finally caved in and posted a personal on the foreign language exchange board at the international center. The woman who gave me paper to post with told me that she would review what I wrote before it would be admitted to the board. Shit. I hadn't counted on that. I was going to be funny and gross and inappropriate but had to settle for something less inspired. I was all ready to go with this gem:

"American looking for love in all the moist places. Working knowledge of a language not required. Will regulate any shade."

But had to settle for the disappointingly less direct:

"I'm an American who has been living in Nagoya for the past 3 months. Of course I work for Nova (who doesn't?) and I want to learn some Japanese in exchange for English help. I'm looking for cool people who like to read and have a social life. I'd prefer someone who can communicate to some degree in English already since my Japanese leaves rings in the tub."

I know its terrible but no one I want to meet is going to be able to read it anyway.