The spiders from Mars

its raining here. im headed over to mr. donut to study japanese and finish the 1,001 arabian nights today. i was going to either go to tokoname with teruko, head out to himaka island, or hike on the orange trail in mihama if it hadn't been for this stupid weather. if it rains tomorrow as well I'll need to take a day off from work next week to keep myself from attacking my co-workers and students.

i talked to daniela this morning which was awesome. in our conversation i mentioned that i've never laughed at so many bad jokes and non-jokes before.

bored sensei: how are you?
eager student: fine.
bored sensei: why fine?
eager student: because weather is shining!
bored sensei: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! good one!

thats not even a joke.

in my own opinion im a terrible fucking teacher. im not teaching anyone anything. i also believe that im a MUCH better teacher than most of my coworkers. This guy I dont like named Mark is actually pretty good at his job, but the rest of my coworkers are terrible. This Canadian girl I work with does an activity called 'Listen and Repeat' with upper levels that is such a bad idea. Its where the teacher reads a sentence out loud and then the students try to imitate the pronounciation. its for the lowest levels only and just bores higher-level students. i heard her doing that for level 6 students the other day, and a level 6 student is capable of telling you a short story about what they did yesterday. They have a lot of grammatical problems but their english ability is pretty good, so to read sentences to them is like asking a native speaker to come up with vocab for a day at the beach. Like, are you serious?

36-year old guy from Albany: Sand?
NOVA teacher: EXCELLENT!
36-year old guy from Albany: haha. ok. how about... blankets.
NOVA teacher: Good job!
36-year old guy from Albany: Ok. Whats the point of this?
NOVA teacher: Are you sure you can't think of just one more???
36-year old guy from Tacoma: The sea. As in, I'm going to drown you in the sea if you don't actually teach me something.


Sigh. Rain sucks.


"You spin me right round baby, right round
Like a record baby, right round round round

...

all i know is that to me
you look like you're lotsa fun
open up your loving arms
i want some, want some"

Dead or Alive, I miss you.

It breaks my heart in two...

So my roommate Thomas brought his sweet-ass Mac to Japan but apparently that doesn't mean anything for me. I wanted to use his Mac yesterday after work so I sent him a text message from the train. He said that I can use it as soon as he gets home. So fucking lame. He has a password on the damned thing so I can't get into it without him either.

Who wants to write emails, update their blog, and look at some hard-core porn with another guy looking over their shoulder? Plus, I have to use it in his room so when he's home I'm in his way the whole time.

If anyone knows how to break into a Mac, please let me know.

How to lose someone in 6 emails

Things took a quick turn for the worse. Observe.



EMAIL #1

To Benjamin

Hello!! I read language-exchange recruitment at International center.

Did you get good partner already??

I want to help you learning Japanese and please help me speaking English.

My name is Manami. 23years old soon. I am Japanese woman.

I work at Aichi prefectual office. I am a local government officer.

I can speak Chinese a litte too.

My hobby is Japanese archery and tennis and snow boading reading books,,,etc.

If you have a interest about me, please give me a contact and please tell me about you.

If you can, please send me your photo.

I wait your return.

Thank you.

Manami



EMAIL #2

Hi Manami!

What kind of books do you like to read? I snowboard and play a little tennis too, but my primary interest is reading. I also love English and Japanese hip-hop.

I don't mind emails but I'm much better at getting coffee. If you have free time next Thursday or Friday, I'm available.

I'll show you my photo if you show me yours.

benn



EMAIL #3

To Benjamin

Hello!! Thank you your immediate answer to my mail.

It is Friday today!!　It comes weekend !！ Iam very happy♪

By the way, I don't know your basic information.

Are you a woman aren't you?? How old are you? Where are you from??


Manami



EMAIL #4

Hello.

My name is Benjamin. I am a man from Boston in the US, and I'm 24 years old.

please text me at bennegan@vodafone.ne.jp if you want to get coffee this Thursday or Friday.

I don't check this email account often so if you send me messages, it might take up to a week for me to reply.

How are you!??!?!?!!?

benn



EMAIL #5

Hello!!

I am Manami. Last week I was very busy!! Sorry!

I try to meet you. But , you didn't send me a photo. So my mother and my boyfriend don't permit me to meet you. I think they are careful of me.

Sorry!!



EMAIL #6

No problem. It sounds like you have a pretty scary life though. I
dont think that you have room for a friendship with me.

Also, how does a picture of me help anything? It doesnt.

Have a nice life.

benn

From Kyowa

I am updating this from my apartment in Kyowa. My roommate Thomas has a bad-ass Mac and we found an unsecured wireless connection, so I'm in business.

Nothing to write about though...

Movies that suck

I saw The Omen and I thought it was terrible. Unless Damien's father is the priest with the 666 birthmark, the movie didn't make any sense. I realize that there's a second and third movie, but to leave so many questions unanswered was pretty lame.

I watched the DVD commentary afterwards. To hear the writer and director talking about their inspiration made me hate the movie even more.

The writer said that the idea came to him when he was eating lunch with a weird religious friend and he was asked: 'Hey, what if the anti-Christ comes back and is only a small child?' The writer then ran home and wrote the first 10 pages of the story. Wow. What genius. I don't think you can use the phrase 'the idea came to me' in that situation, I think the more correct term is 'the idea was placed gently in my lap by a former friend who no longer talks to me because I hella-ripped him off.'

I was going to skip the next two but I think Christopher Walken is in one of them.

Quit playin' bitch; get in.

At Sakae again. It could start raining at any moment.

I woke up today to find some of my Japanese homework corrected with a note attached telling me 'ganbatte ne.' I don't know what the word 'ne' does to a command, but the first word means to persevere. Who the fuck corrected my homework? I guess one of my roommates brought someone back to our apartment last night after I had gone to sleep and they thought they'd help me out. Remind me to thank you with a sandwich full of pubes. Persevere! Asshole. I AM persevering thank you very much.

I picked up two books on kanji and I'm about to head to Mr. Donut again. I'll send a few emails from this laptop before I go to people who texted me about meeting up. I haven't paid my phone bill so I can't text from my phone anymore. I can receive calls and emails but I've lost the ability to make them. I'll get on it. Soon. I promise.

I haven't weighed myself since January. I haven't been able to find a free scale yet. You've all seen the recent pictures of me, right? What do you think I'm down to? I hope its not below 160.

I'm going to stop at a few travel agencies today and ask about prices for Ireland in August. Keep your fingers crossed guys.

I hope this works

I'm changing my approach to NOVA. Today I was given a form to sign so that I can go to Toyohashi on the 26th and get TOEIC/TOEFL training. Training is pretty much mandatory, but you still have to sign this form and consent to be trained. So I'm not signing shit. That's my new approach.

I have the form in my bag right now and I'm going to tear it up and throw it away when I get home. Training isn't mandatory if they need my permission to go ahead with it. That much seems clear. So, if I can refuse training, what incentive do I have to take on yet more work for no additional money? Maybe that's not how things are done in Japan but that's also how things are done when you're dealing with suckers.

I'll call my boss and let him know that if they want me to get trained then I'd better see some more money or a change in my schedule. I want three-day weekends and no more half-days. Those are my demands. That, or one tobaggan ride, per week, with any NOVA student I want.

I think I'm actually prepared to lose my job over this. I don't think they can afford to fire me right now with the teacher shortages at both Higashiura and Handa, so this is definitely a calculated risk. If I do get fired over my refusal to sign the form, than I'll pack up my shit and go to Tokyo to find a new job. I would have enough money to get by for a couple of months and I don't think it would be hard to get hired again in that time. I think I'm also willing to gamble with my job because I came to Japan to have an adventure and working at a boring-ass job while saving all my money is hardly what I would call an adventure. I should quit based on that reasoning alone and try to join the yakuza. Or move to Mie and join the ninja town. Or set up a tent on Himaka Island and live off of the octopus there.


Octopus? Octopus(s)es? Octopi?

Pictures from Kevin

(sigh)

I miss you guys.

Moderately interesting

I'm about to open up to you all and I'm already feeling guilty about it. The woman I'm about to talk about is awesome and things could turn quasi-serious between us. I just don't want to do anything that I'll regret. On the other hand, check out how awesome this is:

I'm sort-of seeing a smoking-hot possibly fake-tittied 40-year-old Japanese divorcee. That may have been the largest number of hyphens I've ever used in a single sentence.

I had a date with her last Thursday, and I missed a call from her today. I'm actually only guessing that she's around 40 since she wouldn't tell me her age. She knows that I'm older than 23 (that was her guess) but I didn't tell her exactly how old I am because two can play that game.

At the end of the night she seemed concerned that I might miss my train home, and I assured her that I would be ok. Then it occurred to me that she might be inviting me to go back home with her, so I acted panicked and asked her what I should do if I missed the train. She said she didn't know, so I told her that I would be fine then. I dont know if I fucked up what she intended as an offer or I read into that too much. She's classy so I dont think she's the kind of woman who would jump the gun like that.

She worked at a securities firm for 8 years after graduating from college. Then she got married, divorced, and began a part-time job doing reception work at a real estate firm. She moved to Canada over a year ago to learn English. She returned to Nagoya a month ago and she stared a new job two days ago.

She has awesome boobs for a Japanese woman, but they were suspiciously perky for her age and I'm pretty sure her nipples were hard for the entire time we were together (at the time I thought she was just really into me...).

On a related note:

I got a few more texts from psycho stalker girl (like she has a chance with this kind of competition) and she announced to me that she has finally finished her classes at NOVA (Im assuming this means we can hang out all the time now). I deleted her messages and im actually thinking about blocking her number.

There is no finish line

If I didn't know any better I'd say a slightly out of shape Kirsten Dunst just walked in and started to email behind me.

A few beers and a beautiful day

Tenki wa ii desu ne. Thats going to be my opening line when I start to chat with Japanese people today. I had Irish coffee and a few beers for breakfast and now I'm loose. I want to make some friends and flirt with girls but without a few beers I'm just too god-damned shy to do anything about it.

So, I threw on my favorite shirt and bought a new gray and orange bandana with a dragon on it. I'm going to make some friends.

I had a talk with my Aussie roommate today and he really isn't such a bad guy. He said that one thing about having an ego, but I don't mind him at all. He showed me his sketch book for some reason and his stuff isn't bad. I mean, it eats a dick compared to my stuff (of course) but its good.

Work sucks the life out of me. I've been listening to a lot of Neil Young and I love the line from one of his songs: 'not a day goes by and I dont burn a little bit of my soul.' Awesome. Exactly man, exactly. I wish I could just win the lottery and drink beer, smoke pot, and flirt with Japanese girls, but its not in the kaado I suppose. I've been bitching to Daniela recently about how boring my life is and whatever else, but its not Japan's fault. I think of all the places I could be right now I would be happiest here.

I have plans to meet some guy for coffee today (his English seems pretty solid) but tomorrow I want to go to Himaka Island. Himaka is Japanese for Octopus and the island is right off the southern tip of the Chita peninsula (where I live and work). You can get really good octopus and raw fish there and its supposed to be just a great lonely little island. I want to read and swim and just fuck around and inch allah I'll be there tomorrow at this time.

Madlib

I've been listening to some new music thanks to my Aussie roommate but only one of his suggestions has stood out. The producer Madlib (in the foreground with MF Doom in the mask) is currently my favorite artist. I recommend his Quasimoto stuff, but his other projects (Madvillain, Jaylib) are good too. This post is really aimed at my Brandeis friends (which is a terrible way to refer to you guys, and I'm sorry), but I recommend his stuff to anyone who likes hip-hop.

My hot date

I met Yuuko yesterday. I hadn't had nearly enough to drink. She had a great time with me and hasn't stopped texting me since then. Awesome. Now I need to find out how to get numbers blocked.

From a distance she looked like a little old lady. She was anxiously walking around the TV Tower all hunched over and shit and was distrustfully clutching at her purse while doing it. I just had a feeling that was the girl I was supposed to meet and almost bailed at the last minute. She had on thick glasses and more than her fair share of facial moles.

She's 24, works at a grocery store, lives with her parents, doesn't like to read, listed Maroon 5 and the Backstreet Boys as her favorite bands, and said 'really!? to everything I said.

Half-mole half-Japanese woman thing: Do you have sister or brother?
The white Mos Def: yeah, a sister.
Half-mole thing: Really!? Is she older or younger?
The white Mos Def: younger by about a year.
Half-mole half-broken record thing: Really!?

Yeah, really. I'm THAT amazing baby.

I bought lunch and then we went to a big bookstore (I have no idea why). She brought over a copy of Bill Clinton's autobiography to show me and then, laughing hysterically, returned it to the shelf. That was it for me. I told her I had to go home when we got outside. Rookie mistake. She was going home too which meant a 20 minute walk together to Nagoya Station. I started to just lie to her and didn't bother to correct her when she fucked up all the details of everything we had been talking about. Yes, I live in Handa City. My roommate's name... Zeus. Yeah, I lived in Canada. They eat babies there. They're considered a delicacy.

Not that I think I'm anything special (actually, I do), but I'll smash my balls flat with a hammer before her and I do anything together again.

The Rising Sun

I tricked out my bookshelf today. It needs another coat of paint or two but you get the idea.

Respect the emperor. Expel the foreign barbarian.

Friday

I'm including photos of myself doing jack shit in this post. I don't think a picture of me drinking coffee is particularly interesting but I do think everyone appreciates visuals. Maybe I'm thinking of 'everyone appreciates porn.' I can't really remember.

So one of my dad's daily rituals (the naked goat-sacrificing is only a special occasion kind-of-thing) is to drink a little Bailey's in his coffee. As my last roommate left us an unopened bottle of Bailey's, I thought I'd celebrate a day without work and have a cup. It was nice and set the pace of the day. That pace included studying Japanese, reading, and lying to my boss when she showed up today.

As long as I'm mentioning my dad, he's been hitting his emails out of the park with these random quotes and bits of wisdom. The most recent:

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

“Which road do I take?” she asked.

“Where do you want to go?” was his response.

“I don't know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn't matter.”



If you don't like it, feel free to catch crabs.

Bang up job, Washington State

So I got a new roommate today. Lucky number three is from eastern Washington and he rocks. I could be wrong, but I'm never wrong, so probably not. He's a literature major and, unlike the previous invader of my personal space, cool. The last thing he said to me before he left to buy a change of clothes was "I'll try not to be a douche bag."

That's all I ask.

The grind

I got my first complaint at work the other day. Someone said I was talking too fast and they couldn't understand me.

No shit.

I actually can't believe that someone hasn't said that earlier. Sometimes I get carried away in the classroom and it occurs to me that I'm going WAY too fast. I'm used to blank stares so I miss the cues when I start to do this.

So my quasi-boss had a heart-to-heart with me that I thought was in bad taste. Maybe its just Nova policy to let the teachers know every time something negative is said, but by his own admission this is the first bad comment in a sea of good ones. Why did anyone find it necessary to tell me then? They couldn't just cut me some slack? Everyone has bad days. Why did they need to rub it in my face when they almost never tell me when good things are said? Maybe this isn't the first comment about my speed that they've received or maybe it was just an excuse to talk to me about the second issue. I asked for a transfer form a few days ago. My quasi-boss tossed in at the end of his speech that I was doing a great job and everyone hoped that I would stay around for a long time. Regardless, they're all assholes. Not my quasi-boss, who's quasi-alright, but everyone else. He doesn't get off the hook completely because it was still him I had to deal with and he's just on his way to becoming a spitting image of everyone else in the company who sucks dick proper.

Also, I've started to introduce language into the lessons that I think is more appropriate for everyday usage. For example, in a lower-level lesson, someone might get asked 'how is your job?' to which they are given a veritable galaxy of suggested responses: 'its ok,' 'its good,' and 'it's pretty good.' Cutting edge stuff. So I added 'It sucks' and encouraged everyone to use it. They understood that I was giving them something that Nova might not approve of because everytime someone said it I cracked up. In a lesson about pets, students are encouraged to use adjectives to defend their pet preferences.

Automaton 1: 'Do you like dogs?'
Automaton 2: 'yes'
1: 'why?'
2: 'because they're cute.'

Suggested adjectives include interesting, quiet, cute, ugly, and clever. So I added tasty, evil, and a few others. Every time someone said they liked cats because they were tasty, again, I got a kick out of it.

The trick is to keep yourself interested in the lessons because if you're interested then the students feed off of your energy and everything goes really smooth. I even have fun in some lessons. I'm just worried that when the laughs from this innocent stuff wear off I'm going to find it necessary to start being innappropriate.

Oh yeah, and the other day I had my first Topic Voice lesson. This is where for two consecutive 40-minute blocks you need to keep up to 15 Japanese students talking about something. Thanks to the limited vocabulary of most students, this is actually quite hard. Teachers have to put some serious thought into what to talk about for an hour and a half. So I brought in my iPod and incomplete lists of the lyrics to about 8 songs. So I had the students sit around and try to fill in the blanks and then try to guess the title of the song at the end. I was really disppointed when only three students showed up, but it was genius. The songs included:

The Beatles 'With a Little Help From My Friends'
Oasis 'Wonderwall'
Sublime 'Summertime'
Akon 'Mr. Lonely'
Johnny Cash 'A Boy Named Sue'

and three others that now I can7t remember. We only got through 5 songs in an hour and a half because I had to keep repeating parts of the songs. I had a lot of fun doing it but I wish I could have brought in better music. I picked those songs because I hoped they were familiar with them (at least a little bit) and because I thought the spoken English was clear enough where they could pick out the words. My first list included 'CREAM' by Wu-Tang and 'Stan' by Eminem and Dido, but after actually listening to the songs and the words I decided against it. Since I was handing everyone in the room the words to the songs, if just one person was offended, they had all the proof they needed to hand to the Japanese staff downstairs. I imagine a song about letting your pregnant girlfriend suffocate to death in the trunk of your car while you drive it over a bridge is not what my empoyers would consider appropriate.

My prep work at 11:30am

Time to offend people who think of themselves as ugly...

I did a few shots this morning before leaving the house. I have tentative plans to meet this girl (I don't even know her name) at the TV Tower at 2:30 and I don't expect things to go well. She said the ONE THING that she wasn't supposed to say to me. She sent me a text (after I basically yelled at her for trying, yet again, to blow me off) and said:

"Im not cute.. U meet me?"

You stupid, stupid girl. Maybe she's just being modest (fingers crossed). But why would I deal with all of this crap and neediness for an ugly girl? No offense to ugly girls, but if you're nuts on top of ugly, who the fuck wants to deal with you? Of course, after she said that I couldn't cancel our plans, as that would probably shatter her fragile self-confidence and forever confirm that she is in fact, ugly. So I'm going ahead with my plans despite that text and hoping for the best. This goes a long way to explain the reluctance to meet me though.

Package number 2!!!

Another package showed up today! Hooray! This one was from my mom and it was sent on April 4th. Holy merciful shit. I thought it took long for Daniela's box to show up! Customs is reponsible for the timing problems. They apparently begin committed relationships with the contents of any package coming into the country. I called my mom to thank her but thanks to the time difference its still 2003 there and she hasn't sent the package yet.

So I'm finally going to meet my Japanese stalker in an hour. She blew me off last weekend (yes, both days) but she felt it necessary to text and call me all week to confirm that we were meeting this weekend instead. Including this gem on Tuesday just to make sure I knew that we were't meeting on that day:

"Me too U remember We meet Tursday?"

Yeah. I think I can keep the difficult concepts of Thursday and Tuesday separate. I don't mean to brag, but this is my first language. Also, this one on Wednesday:

"Im in NAGOYA stason. Im think go library there is fun?"

I told her I was there one time and apparently she took it to heart. Is the library fun? Good question. Tell you what: picture a library. Ok? Can you visualize it? Shelves, dust, and lots of books, right? Ok. Now, if you think that's fun, then yes, the NIC library is fun.

What kind of a question is that, English ability or no?

Depressing perspective

I rarely hit the 'next blog' button on this site's tool bar but I did today and depressed myself. My thoughts and posts are completely average. They read exactly like every other idiot's with nothing to talk about.

From some moron's blog:

"so the little wench of a slag is telling my friends that her and tylor are aparently going out. But he specifically told me that he didn't want to date her. So like WHAT THE FUCK??? and if they are going out and he LIED to me i'm going to kill him. and his slag..."

Obviously, who cares? But if you compare that to any post on this site, the differences are superficial. I'm just rambling about nothing and my problems aren't even as interesting as this girl's. Man. I just bummed myself out. I think the problem isn't the blog or my ability to write; the problem is that I'm doing nothing with my time. I need a hobby or something. Even the site that said something like: 'don't blame all skinheads for what only a small number of us have done' seems more interesting. He's completely batshit, but at least his site is more interesting to read than what some idiot is doing in Japan.

I found the blog of some art student who posts pictures of all of his work, a Thai student at Dartmouth's, and some Asian bible group's site. All seem much more interesting than this.

Maybe I should kidnap some kids and flee to North Korea to spice things up.

You gotta know how to talk dirty baby

I got a few texts this morning from another psycho. I think I'm gonna ride this one out though and see where it takes me. From earlier:

Whack job #2: How are U?
Bandana man: im genki as hell---what are you up to today???!!!?!?!
Whack job: No plan Today and Tomorrow

Whack job: and U?date with girl?HAHA
Bandana man: arent you fiesty? maybe i am and maybe im not... lets get together today---can you get to sakae today?
Whack job: What we will?
Bandana man: koohii unless you have a better idea
Whack job: you are not date?
-----------------------SHE CALLS
Bandana man: im in a library right now so im not gonna answer that
Whack job: Where library?
Bandana man: kokusai center stop on sakura
Whack job: Oh!!3F?? long time ago I went to there, sometime I think want to go, but better not alone,...and My ancle live near there
Bandana man: yeah, thats the one
Whack job: What are U doing there?
Bandana man: nothing---do you want to get together later?
Whack job: go out with U?
Bandana man: do you want to get coffee or not?
Whack job: U want to together??
Bandana man: now?
Bandana man: do you know the mr donut not too far from sakae and next to the haagen daaz??? want to meet there in an hour and a half?

Her English seems atrocious but I haven't met any new Japanese people in a long time and, again, she might be cute. I don't understand why her answers to my questions make such little fucking sense. Is her English that bad or is she just nuts? I think anyone who asks on the third text if you're dating anyone is probably a tad off their rocker. Or just really fucking desperate.

I downloaded a shitload of music last night: Prince, Sage Francis, and different Madlib projects (Quasimoto, Jaylib, and Madvillain). I've been rocking out to Prince all day long. Because kids in my middle school rode me about looking like him I learned to hate him from an early age. Well that sucks because his music is awesome. I would recommend anyone who doesn't like it to give it another chance. Personal favorites: Little Red Corvette, 7, and You Don't Have to Be Rich. I've only discovered the tip of the iceberg though.

I obviously don't have much to say, so I'm gonna go kill some time until I'm drugged, raped, and then kept in a giant fishtank by some Japanese girl. Could someone get my eyes and heart from eBay and have them transported back to the States for a proper burial in about six months?

Thoughts

So I'm sitting here in my favorite internet cafe/masturbation parlor, nursing my beer and doing some deep thinking.

I am enjoying the fucking hell out of being in Japan right about now. I love this blog and I look forward to updating it all week. The beer sucks but it grows on you. My new room is fucking awesome. I got a package from Daniela (who is, without a doubt, a better friend to me than any of you have in anyone else) full of candy, literature, and peanut butter. And no fewer than four students of mine asked if I was dating anyone this week (reacting predictably interested when I told them that I was not). My life fucking rocks right now.

I would be completely content doing this (or something similar in another country) until I'm 30. This may be the beer talking (I weigh like 160 pounds now so it doesn't take much to beat me up) but I think I'm going to stay abroad for awhile.

Sixth response looks like a good'un

Hello.

My name is [contestant #6]. I saw your ad @ KOKUSAI center.
Id like to have some English speaker friends.

Im 24 years olds office worker in Nagoya.(female)
I like Movies Music football ice hockey hanging out with friends etc.

Ofcource I teach Japanese if u want to.

Hope 2 hear from u soon.

[contestant #6]

O full of scorpions is my mind!

A package arrived today from Daniela jam-packed with love and candy! I don't think it would be any gross exaggeration to say that I would murder the children of everyone in this internet cafe and burn the building to the ground to get a hug from her right about now. I took a bunch of pictures of what she sent me and a few of my new room. I even paid tribute to my new room and its Japaneeziness by having an imaginary ninja fight. Enjoy!

My response to Contestant #1

Hello [contestant #1]!

I'm very interested in learning Japanese, and I would love to teach you English! Which English school were you learning at? Why and how did you fail school?

You're English is better than my Japanese, but I'll give it a shot:

Konnichiwa! Benjamin Egan de, Amerikajin desu. Nova de eigo o oshieteimasu. Boston kara kimashita. nijuuyon sai desu. kissaten ni nihongo o benkyoo shi ni ikimasu. mokuyoobi to kinyoobi asobimasu. nihon no bungaku ga suki desu.

benn

Thanks for stroking my ego

I can't believe how many people read this blog. When I read my old posts they all sound like crap, but 43 people read that crap last Thursday.

You guys are making me blush.

And you're giving me a raging hard-on.

Should have been more specific...

All four new responses are disqualified for illegal possession of dick. I couldn't say 'dick need not apply' in my post at the NIC, but if any of them bothered to read between the lines, they could have saved themselves the trouble (the guy who apologized for being a man knew what the deal was). I know how hard it is to compose something in a foreign language. I hope they didn't spend too much time writing those...

I would like to learn more about Japan and get out to see some more things, so I may contact the guy who lived in California (his English seems pretty solid). We'll see.

More responses to my NIC post

Contestent #2:

Hello Benjamin
How are you ? I'm [blah blah blah]. I'm a Japanese man.
I saw your paper in NIC the other day. I'm intereted in English and movie.
I'd like to exchage with you in English and Japanese.
I live in Toyokawa. But I often go to Nagoya in a month.
My dayoff is Saturday and Sunday.
I hope you'll send me E-mail.
Sincerely
[blah blah blah]



Contestent #3:

Hi! I'm Ken. And Japanese. I have read your message at International Center.And I have decided to send you this mail.I have made friends there before,but the friend has gone back Australia because he takes over his family's job.I want to exchange languages with you.If you don't mind,would you send me your e-mail in your free time.How about you?



Contestant #4:

Hello.
I am [blah blah blah](I am sorry. a man) and have read your message in
Nagoya International Center today.
I'm intersted in the system not only to make my English better, but to make
friends from the world.

I have started to work as an engineer from this April after I had master
degree.
If you have interst in me, plz e-mail me. Or you can call me from 6 P.M. to
11 P.M.

Best
[blah blah blah]



Contestent #5

HI !

Nice to meet you!
My name is Akihiro.
I had been in California ,United States for three years as an international
student.
I found your notice on bulletin board at international center.
I am interested in exchanging languages.
Please tell me your free time if you do not mind.

Akihiro

Nova sucks and my boss is a cunt

So I got a phone call today from my boss and she told me my schedule is changing. This is going to affect me in three ways. I am now going to teach a Chibiko class (2 to 4 year olds I think), which is going to suck. Its going to change when I work on Mondays (from 5-9pm）to much earlier. Finally, since I'm no longer working the late shift (which carries a cash bonus of about $50/month) I'll be making less money now for working the same number of hours.

So for some reason all of this was way too much for me to handle and now I'm in a fucking rage. On top of that, my boss always talks down to me (more in tone than words) and it just reminds me how dispensible to Nova I am. So I was talking to my friend Rhea on the ride home and we both vented for a bit. How many English teachers are in Japan right now? Not nearly enough. How many Japanese want to learn English? Every single person it seems. How the fuck am I dispensible? Only an idiot who doesn't realize how valuable he is would allow himself to be treated like this. Nova should be tossing my salad right now in order to keep me happy. And my ass is quite dry and I wouldn't be opposed to a good tossing. Nova makes a killing off of this whole English-language school scam and I'm doing all of the work. I could easily find another job. I'm going to get applications for all of the other language schools tonight after writing some emails and see what my options are. Although I already realize that anyone I work for is probably going to be an asshole and shit all over me. The one option available to me that makes sense is to get private teaching jobs and be self-employed.

There are a few websites here that put English-speakers in touch with potential Japanese students for private lessons. You can expect to make about 3000 yen an hour (depending on the exchange rate, maybe 27 bucks) which is more than I earn per lesson at Nova. When it comes down to it, private lessons make too much sense. I could make my own hours and finally get Saturdays and Sundays off. I could take time off without getting it approved (I would warn students of course, but no one would have the ability to deny me anything) and I could even put my hair back into a mohawk if I felt ballsy enough. I could wear T-shirts, shorts, and sandals as well. I wouldn't have to listen to my douche-bag boss, and I could even tell her the fuck off before I quit. Oh man. That alone makes this whole thing worth it.

So I'm going to go create some profiles online and see if any students email me. I mean, think about how much sense this actually makes. 3000 yen for a single lesson is a bargain. You pay less at Nova per lesson but they require you to buy these ridiculously expensive packages for the entire year and most students don't even get to use up all of their class hours. They're going to learn from me regardless (the me at Nova, or the me doing private students) so what do they care where it takes place. Plus, doing private lessons always means one-on-one lessons which are preferrable for the student. I could do group lessons on my own and really clean the fuck up, but I think there are some baby steps to make first.

Oh man. I think this is an adventure that would teach me important life lessons as well. To be self-employed is something that would teach me things I could take back to the States and use. It sounds really fun to me right now too. The problem is that Nova is so fucking easy. Plus I love my room now, and I don't want to give it up for a tiny hole in the wall in Nagoya. Or do I? It would be cool to live downtown...

Ok, the guy who promises the most does the least (or so says some internet forward) so I need to go do some work.

How do I create my own lessons?

Manic Monday

Brian moved out yesterday. I've already moved most of my shit into his room and (if I can use an analogy) if my old living arrangments were a handjob, this new space is a three-day orgy with all of your favorite celebrities. I'll include some pictures of what I've done with the place on Thursday or Friday.

I went to an Aeon mall today and bought some Shamoji paper, which is the really thin stuff that is used in Japanese doors. Someone who had my room decided it would be a good idea to punch out all of the paper, probably under the influence of alcohol, leaving me with a three-hour job on my hands. I fixed both doors, cleaned my tatami mats, and hung all of my maps, pictures, and postcards on the walls.

My roommate voiced his concern about me moving into the room, but he's way too much of a pussy to do anything about it. He just made some little sarcastic comments (nervously laughing the whole time) about how since I had been here longer I was entitled to it. I'm not dumb enough to respond to something like that because it would only lead to a lot of whining, Aussie-style. He can have my room when he pulls it from my cold, dead fingers.

My giant grape of a toe

When was the last time you just fell for no damned reason? The other day I was walking through the parking lot of a 7-11 (yes, we have those) and I tried to hop gingerly over a cement retaining wall and landed right on my face.

I tried to push off with my left foot and land on my right, but I kicked off my Birkenstock in the process and really took a fall.

I banged up both of my knees and of course attracted the attention of a few people passing by.

The next day my toe turned purple.

I can feel it when I pinch the tip of it and I can wiggle it more and more each day so I think I'm good.

But seriously, when was the last time you did something like that? I couldn't even remember the last time it happened.

My potential stalker

These are the texts that a girl I met on the internet and I exchanged today. I've only answered one of her five phone calls because she can't speak any English. I'm getting really annoyed but I can't just tell her to leave me alone because I'm too nice and she might be cute.

potential murderer: Good morning!What are U doing Today?
potential victim: not much---how about you?
murderer: me too
victim: do you work today?
murderer: No...
victim: you wanna get coffee?
murderer: Wow native English!!
victim: where do you want to meet? are you near sakae?
murderer: Where U live?
victim: in obu but im at nagoya station right now
murderer: why??
victim: no reason --- where are you?
murderer: Why are U NAGOYA stason?
victim (annoyed): no reason
murderer: I'm home watch TV

murderer: What are U doing Tomorrow?
victim: working from noon on, you?
murderer: When is day off?
victim: next thurs and fri but if you have a good idea i can make the time
murderer: What do U do Today?
victim: im going to the mr. donut in obu to study japanese
murderer: Now?
victim: maybe at 2ish
murderer: How was NAGOYA?
victim: its always good---hows tv at home?
murderer: sometime boring
victim: what is your favorite tv show?
murderer: any so lomance and love comedy
victim: for example?
------------------- SHE CALLS BUT I DONT PICK UP
murderer: Romio&Juriet.American Pie, many
victim: which romeo & juliette? the older zefferelli version or the luhrmann remake with leo dicaprio? have you ever seen eternal sunshine of the spotless mind?
murderer: Yes I saw Why?
-------------------SHE CALLS AGAIN AND I STILL DONT ANSWER
victim: thats one of my favorite movies thats why... im in a cafe now and thats why im not answering---i dont want to be noisy
murderer: Oh U lean JAPANESE?
victim: yeah everyday. i have memorized almost 300 kanji but i still dont understand anything...
murderer: U like Lomance movies?
victim: yes, i like some. i like leon too---but i prefer to read.
murderer: U dont lean your GF?
victim: lean? i dont have a gf.

Thats where I left it because there's no way I can talk to this girl for more than a few minutes at a time. I think to appreciate my position you would need to have spoken to her for 45 minutes on the phone without understanding anything that was said. Her texting is deceptive. I'll let you all know how it goes as I'm sure she'll try to call me again.

The new roommate

Brian is leaving for Beijing on the 15th so I'm taking his sweet-ass room when he leaves. It will be just Dave and me until another American shows up on the 28th or 29th of May.

We had a party last night for Brian and Rachel Ching at Red Rock and it was the first time I've had a chance to see my new roommate in a social setting. He's quiet and weird, but so am I so I thought we were getting along fine.

It turns out he sucks.

And he hates me.

He over-dressed for the occassion in my opinion. I had on my Green Wave T-shirt but stopped short of wearing a bandana; he showed up like it was club night. Not really a problem, but I'm trying to paint a picture. He chatted to a few people and then settled down next to me. We chatted about some random pretentious things (he was an art major and everything that goes with that) and the conversation hovered around how lame the bar scene is in general. He mentioned that back home he prefered the more relaxed atmosphere of jazz bars where, I imagine, everyone looks gay in black berets and talks about really intellectual things like how George Bush is exactly like Hitler.

So after a few drinks he really starts to geek it up. He was just laughing too much at things that weren't funny and he had this big dopey smile on his face. With a few drinks it looked like he was really enjoying himself making everything he said before seem more like a cover for how awkward he is.

After we left the bar, we passed by a fire extinguisher in its case. I've been studying kanji like crazy and I told him that I could read the three kanji on it: extinguish, fire, and utensil. 'Thats a fire extinguisher' I alerted him. Now, this was meant to be funny (sort of) because I could see that it said fire extinguisher underneath the kanji in English. He told me that he could read it too and pointed out the English. We argued for a minute as I tried to defend the kanji I've learned. The last thing he said to me (and we haven't spoken since) was 'you have an ego.'

No shit I have an ego. Everyone who knows me knows I have an ego and I do some pretty pretentious shit. But THIS GUY doesn't know me. And he's the fucking pretentious one anyway. He's the one who always tries to talk about films and books and shit. He lost me a little bit when he started talking about metaphysic narratives in film but only because he was trying to like an asshole.

Fucking Tasmanian. Another Australian that I talked to helped me shed some light on the problem. He's from Tasmania. He's socially-awkward, probably has an inferiority comlex and definitely has something against Americans. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because I feel like accusing someone of anti-Americanism is like, the lamest cop-out you can come up with. He is though. I actually know a lot of people here who are anti-American. A bunch of whiny bitches if you ask me.

'You have an ego.' He even said it like that. I am a robot from Tasmania.

An invasion of my privacy

Ok, so I think I'm going to turn my 'fluids exchange' experience into the most public thing I possibly can. I think that there's such a high potential for comedy with this thing that I wouldn't want any of you to miss it.

So I posted on Sunday, which was the 7th. Today is the 11th and I got my first response. This is what a girl I'll refer to as Contestant #1 wrote to me today:

I'm looking for a language exchange person.I like travel!I want to learn English for travel.
I had stadied English at an English school.but failed school this year.
I can speak English little so I can help you to speak Japanese.

Ok. Sounds good. Some grammatical and spelling errors but at least I can understand whats going on here. I'll write back to her before I leave here today and then add that to this blog so that everyone can keep up.

I have arrived

Anyone who has checked the comments posted to my last entry will have noticed something startling. This blog has received spam. To the douche bag who posted that: I am honored.

Movies

I got a book from the Tsurumai Central Library on the history of Japanese film. I got quite a ways into it and was a rarin' to go get some movies when I discovered something troubling. Japanese movies aren't released with English subtitles. Maybe one or two are, but they look like the Japanese equivalents of Armageddon and xXx, so I think I'll pass. Even classic Kurosawa films (the Hitchcock of Japanese direction) aren't released with subtitle options. What the fuck Japan? I know this is probably the most homogenous country in the world and its native English-speaking population consists of me and another guy, but how about a little effort? I checked the Hollywood section and found 8 languages available on its copy of Chicago. Why would you need to include Hungarian in your Japanese release? A Hungarian has yet to visit. I'm disappointed but I'll use this to redouble my efforts to learn the language. It will all pay off when I can watch Yamato (The Japanese war epic in the same vein as Pearl Harbor). There are so many good propaganda films that I want to see and no arbitrarily-constructed language is going to stop me. There's also a German film here on the life of Hitler that I want to watch, but predictably, its in German and Japanese only.

Fluids Exchange

So I finally caved in and posted a personal on the foreign language exchange board at the international center. The woman who gave me paper to post with told me that she would review what I wrote before it would be admitted to the board. Shit. I hadn't counted on that. I was going to be funny and gross and inappropriate but had to settle for something less inspired. I was all ready to go with this gem:

"American looking for love in all the moist places. Working knowledge of a language not required. Will regulate any shade."

But had to settle for the disappointingly less direct:

"I'm an American who has been living in Nagoya for the past 3 months. Of course I work for Nova (who doesn't?) and I want to learn some Japanese in exchange for English help. I'm looking for cool people who like to read and have a social life. I'd prefer someone who can communicate to some degree in English already since my Japanese leaves rings in the tub."

I know its terrible but no one I want to meet is going to be able to read it anyway.

Mister Coffee

The two Mister Coffee cafes in Obu and Nagoya have become my weekend haunts. I come to this internet cafe, go to the two libraries that have English books, and then head to the cafe to drink 20 cups of coffee and learn Japanese (its 262 yen for all you can drink American-style coffee and if I get hungry than they serve decent donuts and even ramen noodles). A sampling of my studying:

Sakae de kissaten ni nihongo o benkyoo shi ni ikimasu. Shizuka desu kara.
(I go to a cafe in Sakae to study Japanse. Because its quiet.)

I could write it out in hiragana with some kanji but I dont know how to do that with this laptop. But I'm definitely making progress. It doesn't translate into the real world yet and I can't understand anything anyone says to me, but I can put together some sentences fairly accurately. Its not easy. Jarod was being way too generous in his estimation of my abilities when he said I would be fluent in a year.

I think spending the rest of my life traveling around the world and learning different languages and reading would be an awesome lifestyle. Thats just where my heads at right now.

Overwhelming but I love it

This is just a general apology to everyone that doesn't get timely responses from me. Between writing emails and posting in the blog and doing some small things online I burn out quickly using this computer. I'll write back to you Ashley, Russ, Luke, Jeremy, and everyone else and I'm sorry if it takes me a little while. I never have enough time here either. Sorry again.

Tempting...

So I've signed up for a bunch of foreign language exchange program things in an attempt to meet horny Japanese girls. Every now and then I'll get a message from someone in my gmail account who wants to meet or email or whatever. So today I got a message from the guy who's picture I'm posting. If I ever want my hair braided maybe I'll give him a call. Maybe I should have included somewhere in my profiles that I don't enjoy an occassional dicking. I thought it was implied.

Yeah, so I've finally come around on the whole getting hella-laid in Japan thing. I'm going to go post an ad on the 'fluids exchange' at the International Center later on today. The other day when I took a train back from Toyohashi with Pat I asked him (because he seems to be quite successful at it) how you go about meeting Japanese girls. He told me that those boards and things are alright and that's how he met his first girl here. Then he said that sometimes your students will try to initiate something, but that of course is a little tricker. It's not really tricky, its just that you have to wait for them to initiate something because if you ask the wrong girl and she reports your ass, you're in bad shape. So, he said that he gets girls every now and then that will ask him if he has a girlfriend or if he wants to hang out. So I'm nonplussed. I'm a sexy bitch. Why haven't any of my hotter students said anything? And if the students that I have won't come to me, where do I go to get laid? So I guess I've decided these language exchange things are my best bet.

I've heard a story recently about some guy who had two girls in his class and gave his number to one of them. It was likely the girl who didn't get his number was the one who reported him, but he got in trouble. Its not that I mind getting yelled at, but they make you write a letter of apology and go this other crap that sounds like a hassle.

Pat's answer to why no student has said anything to me is that all the cool students left Handa and go to Higashiura instead. I guess the teachers at Handa turned prude at some point and drove all the cool girls away. That sucks. I should think about a transfer or something.

I'm pretty sure it was horse

I think I ate horse. I got meat on a stick from some street vendor and what I ate wasn't anything I recognize. When I asked the chef what it was he didn't use a word with which I'm familiar. I know the Japanese eat horse (raw horse in Gifu) and I'm completely convinced that's what I ate.

Not bad. The texture was weird. Its hard to describe. Not as hard to chew through but in a bad way. You'd have to try it yourself I guess. The only word that comes into my mind is mealey. Or mealy. However you spell that.

On the train ride home from Toyohashi we paused at a station and there was a guy and a girl sitting on the ground right outside of our window. The girl was wicked cute but the guy was very androgynous and lame. He looked like some kind of emo-wannabe with a really deep and hard-to-understand point of view (I'm making the jerk-off gesture with my hand while typing this). Anyway, it looked like he might have been crying or something (maybe they were breaking up?) and she was trying to console him. So naturally, we blew her a kiss from where we were sitting on the train. Her face lit up with this huge smile and she had to turn her head to prevent this guy from seeing her reaction. Weep on emo guy. Our thing works better though.

I'm going to see 'V is for Vendetta' as soon as I get some time off. Anyone go yet?

Kids are too god-damned fragile

So I've made two kids cry so far. The first time it happened I was really really really uncomfortable. It was the first time I'd had to deal with that situation so I was unsure of what I was expected to do. Also, to see a 9-year old girl crying is not fun regardless of the situation. Lastly, the parents of every kid in the class happened to be present that day and were staring at me the whole time. That last reason contributed to no small degree to how awkwrd I felt. It was very funny in retrospect. The reason she started to cry in the first place was because she was losing at a game, so it was also kind of cute and I think the parents didn't judge me too harshly.

However, I apparently didn't learn anything from that because I caused another kid to cry today and it was during the same fucking game.

I had the whole class sit in a circle and arranged eight flash cards on the floor in front of them. They had pictures of pigs and ducks and stuff on them. I say the sentence that I'm trying to get them to learn and have them repeat it back to me. After that I say 'GO!' and they all race to slap the correct flash card. Well the girl that cried in my first class was dominating this time around, and she kept caging this one kid out of the game. She'd slide her knee in front of him and then they'd yell at each other in Japanese while I pretended I didn't see any of it. When he couldn't get any cards he totally started to cry. So, again, all the parents in the next room started to crowd the window to see what the noise was all about and I was in the middle of an elementary-school sized shitstorm.

Well, this time was much easier to deal with because he was obviously being a pussy. He's the kid thats going to get eaten alive in middle school and I think it's my responsibility to try and stop that from happening. Plus, if that girl who cried it all out of her system last time has taught me anything its that the class pussy of today can be the machine of tomorrow.

Not him though. That kid is meat. Good luck.

Eat it raw Kate

From the emails that Tracy Creek and Jeremy Berk sent me:

'I don't care what Kate says - I think you are still funny. She forwarded me the blog site and I've been catching up over the last couple of days. (Can I just say that your blog is so much better than this one written by an American girl in Paris that I've been reading lately - she's not funny at all and besides Paris is practically America.) Anyway I think you've gotten a bit more sarcastic lately - which I always find funny - so keep up the good work.'

'...And your posts are still funny to me'

Kate I'm not listening to you any more. You have no idea what you're talking about.

new roomie

my new roommate from tasmania showed up last night. the teachers got together downtown to throw him a welcoming party. at least, i think they got together since neither i nor my new roommate went to it. he's kind of a funny guy (i suppose we're both kind of funny). He did spend the previous 48 hours traveling without a break, but when you get thrown a party you usually make the effort to attend. i told him we would head downtown for 10pm and he very non-chalantly passed. i was quite impressed but then struggled to make excuses for the both of us to everyone already downtown. after all, if he wasn't going, then I didn't need to make the trip either.

there's a certain quality, in some people, that i admire and he's got it. when i was talking to him last night and there was a lull in the conversation, he didn't just blurt out things to fill the silence. I tend to do that. I wish I didn't but there's this anxiety i feel when no one is speaking. ive read that its an american quality but i dont agree with that. one of my british co-workers and the new zealander do it. they just ramble on about nothing and it makes them both seem very stupid to me. what could you possibly need to say out loud about kit-kats anyway? the ability to just keep quiet if you have nothing to say is useful i think. so this guy has already given me the impression that he's very self-assured, intelligent, and has a tendency towards really deep-thought. luke has that quality too. and all it takes is to know when to shut up. if you dont have a point to make, dont talk. its so simple. and it makes a lasting impression (maybe the rest of you don't agree).

so we watched team america: world police instead. it was as dumb as i thought it would be but funny regardless. i particularly liked the 'america: fuck yeah' song, the sex scene, and that trey parker and matt stone just came out and called every actor in hollywood a fag. i dont know what they have against matt damon in particular but i thought the movie was alright. the hours was better though.

ive started saying ridiculous things in english every now and then to japanese people. its probably wrong to take advantage of their lack of english but i know they're doing the same thing to me in japanese, so i dont feel too bad about it.

My job in a nutshell

The professor: So, what kind of music do you play in your band?
Hiroyuki: Jazz.
The professor: Ah, and anything else? Whose music do you play?
Hiroyuki: Gremerin.
The professor: Gremlin?
Hiroyuki: Grem errer.
The professor: Gram erron?
Hiroyuki: Gremerrin
The professor: Maybe I don't know it.
Hiroyuki: He's American.
The professor: and its jazz?
Hiroyuki: Yes, old jazz. Gremerrir.
The professor: (finally understanding) AAAAAHHHH!! GLEN MILLER!
Hiroyuki: yes, gremmerrer.

On a side note, this guy is awesome and I feel bad about posting our conversation on the internet. Hiroyuki isn't his name either, I changed it to feel less guilty about the breach of trust.

+1

So today my new roommate shows up. He's a smelly Australian but I don't plan on holding that against him. Cathryn (my boss whose stupid title I haven't learned since its all Nova-speak and not worth learning) is going to show up with him at 3pm and I don't plan on being there. Part of it is that I hate my boss and don't want to be forced to talk to her. Since I rely on Nova for everything, its become obvious that they think they have access to all aspects of my life. She's able to walk into my home (even if its for this good reason) and since we don't get along she'll probably use the opportunity to talk down to me in some small way and I don't think I could keep it under control if that happened. Also, I just don't want to be there for this guy when he shows up. I don't particularly want another roommate (but since Brian leaves in May its not the worst thing) and I definitely don't want to drag his ass all over town, showing him the sights, on my day off. This is Benn's time and Benn likes conversation held to a minimum during his time. Since my job consists of 20% teaching and 80% entertaining, entertaining on my day off is not going to fucking happen. Would you like to create spreadsheets all day on your Saturday? Fuck no my friend. Fuck no.

His timing is perfect. There are two lights in our bathroom and both of them stopped working a long time ago. I get ready in the semi-dark and I'm constantly surprised by the quality of my shave when I get to work. There isn't any hot water in our apartment and hasn't been for a week now. Neither of us have called the Nova department concerned with that kind of stuff either. We've just been dealing with it. I shower every other day now to avoid it, but I do get a certain kind of rush out of these freezing cold showers. I've been teaching myself how to appreciate them too. I soap up, wash my face, shampoo my hair, and then before turning on the water, psyche myself out. When I say its cold, please understand that means its cold. So I usually think of some really angry rap lyrics (DMX and Jedi Mind Tricks help me out) and then, rapping loudly, rinse off. It wakes me right the hell up and I never waste any water. It's good for the environment and I find it invigorating. So, after a 15 hour flight, that's what my roommate will have to look forward to.

Also, our apartment is filthy. It's so dirty that I ALMOST made an attempt to clean it up today, but hey, its my day off. And since I don't do favors for anyone here, he can do it himself if he wants to.

Is that funny?

Ode to Kate Martin

I think its important to have a friend who will be honest with you. A lot of people like to say things like 'if I had been there, I would have said it right to their face' or 'I'll tell you EXACTLY how I feel.' Most of the people who like to say these things are full of shit. People who actually do things like that don't need to call your attention to it.

Enter Kate Martin.

Everyone needs a friend like Kate because even if it potentially ruins your relationship with her, she'll let you know what she's thinking about. A couple of times she has said something that made me want to tie her up in a bag and drop her from a bridge, but I get over it and she always gives me something to think about.

So from her email to me:

'I can see how someone might say you look scheming, youve always looked devilish.'

and...

'So today I've spent the past 3 hours catching up on your life. To tell you the truth, it got really boring after the first month. But I still forwarded the blog onto Tracy. Ok, not that your life or trip seems boring, but your writing style changed and you seemed to loose your sense of humor. Here I am going on and on to my roommate about how funny you are, and you blew it. Redeem yourself; Im not interested in how much yen you are making.'

Ok, so I reread my first posts and I don't really find them funny. I don't know what specifically she was referring to when she said they were funny, but what I wrote in the past two weeks (after that stuff about my income) was good in my opinion. I mean, everything I write looks like crap to me 10 minutes later, but it's not the worst stuff I could have written.

But I'll try to be a little funnier, and if my posts improve then everyone can thank Kate for being brash.

Books and Daniela's shout out

I picked up some more books today. Uyeda Akinari's 'Tales of Moonlight and Rain,' Takeo Doi's 'The anatomy of dependence,' and Sokyo Ono's 'Shinto: The Kami Way.' I'm always down to start emailing about books. Does Jordan read this blog?

D, I don't know why but eating Taco Bell off the 5 will always be one of my favorite memories. And do you still have that scar from Sophomore year?

Raise the bar

I hit my personal best this past Friday with 24 unique visitors.

Chea.

Shakespearian cold showers

I know exactly when and where I was when I caught this cold. I was greeting a group of Senior-level kids at the door (at Nova when you get a group of kids you're supposed to kneel down to their level and introduce yourself, and get them to say their names). This one little fuck named Rei had his surgical mask pulled down and proceeded to cough his germ-infested ass off in my face. He then created a thick atmosphere of disease in the poorly ventillated kids' room in which I was trapped. So I woke up feeling like crap. But I compensated for it by calling in sick and coming downtown to use the internet and read. I actually just feel guilty about calling in sick because I feel fine at this point. I also had Voice today (where you just sit and chat with a big group of students who are usually upper-level on Sundays) which are easy lessons.

Brian and I are unsure if the water heater in our building crapped out or someone turned off our hot water, but we've been reduced to taking cold showers. Before this morning I hadn't showered for about 48 hours because of it. The water here is fucking cold. Swimming in Maine cold. At least Kelly Reed, Jarod, and Luke must know what I'm talking about when I say Maine waters are cold. But I'm sure you can imagine. So since I shaved my head again last night I was forced to take a shower before leaving the house today. I turned it on and let it run in the tub and then stepped in. My feet instantly lost all feeling and turned blotchy red before settling on deep purple. It was almost unbearable. So since I'm reading Macbeth right now, I used that for some inspiration. I was trying to put things in perspective and if he could make himself kill his own king and forsake his soul then I could take a measley cold shower. So I was successful and proud of my accomplishment but my balls have yet to return to their orignial shape.

Lou asked a good question in the comments section of my last post. If you don't want to make the trip way down there to click on it, then here's the gist of it: since religious devotion tends to be inversely proportional to technological and economic growth, how does Japan measure up? Something like that. Well, I'd say religion here is just like it is in America. People go to temple and pray but most do it out of a sense of duty and not because they have any real sense of faith or whatever. That was the impression I gathered from a group of students in Voice when we talked about Shintoism and samurai spirit (forbidden topics but Nova is too cautious I think). I told them that eastern religions are increasingly popular in America because a lot of people are unhappy, despite their high standard of living, and feel like western religions (or whatever) have failed to produce happiness in a tangible way. They said people in Japan go to temple or pray only when they really need something and very few people are religious like they were in the past. The only two people who admitted to feeling religious said it happened after they had kids. So my impression is that the people here resemble those in developed western countries and probably go to temple to maintain their cultural roots, out of a sense of duty, or to ask for help when they have nothing else. I don't know if anyone actually believes in Shinto creationism, but I imagine the Buddhist elements in Japan are more important to those who do feel religious. Does that answer your question at all Lou?

I'm not qualified to even give an opinion though, since I'm so isolated from the rest of Japanese society thanks to the language barrier any my beautiful blue eyes. Which reminds me: I got my first compliment about my eyes. The mother of one of my younger students was checking me out and when I made eye contact she told one of the Japanese staff that my eyes were gorgeous. Hells yeah, J-MILF.

My diverse fan base

Not only do I get along well with most of the Japanese people I meet, but the number of foreign nationals that check this blog is increasing. Hello to Canada, Japan, the United States, Singapore, Germany, and Cambodia.

You can keep pretending like I don't exist Papua New Guinea, but you're only hurting yourself.

Lessons of the past

I noticed this advertisement on my walk to Iseshi station. I have no idea what its for, but does anyone notice anything about this particular bunny? Maybe a certain yellow star pinned to his chest? Haven't we learned where this kind of thing leads us?

I've picked up copies of 'Macbeth,' Soseki Natsume's 'I Am a Cat,' and Ovid's 'Metamorphoses.' If anyone wants to chat about them, feel free to email me. None of my co-workers read books and most of my Japanese students lack the English skills necessary to talk about this kind of thing.

How much are cigarettes in the States?

Ise details

I've already posted a short introduction to Ise that I stole from a pamphlet yesterday. The main attraction of the Jingu shrine is the mirror of the Japanese sun god. Which is fine, and I was excited to pick it up and play catch with it and everything, but you can't even SEE it when you get there. The bigger of the two main shrines houses it, but tourists are only allowed inside of the first wall. Three more walls prevent anyone from seeing it (or even the shrine that its housed in) and you just pray to it from the gate of the second wall (I'm standing outside of the first wall but the second gate is visible in the photo). This is accomplished by deeply bowing twice, clapping your hands twice, and then bowing a third and final time. You're invited to toss some money onto a white sheet at the entrance of the second gate. I didn't kick up any money and I sure as hell didn't pray to some mirror. A spiritual being who can't get out from inside of a mirror is a pussy. There, I said it. And if the spirit isn't inside the mirror, then its just a stupid mirror and I'd rather pray to my Birkenstocks because at least they are reliable and keep my feet comfy. Mirrors remind me I'm getting older and point out my physical flaws when assisted by fluorescent lighting. Fuck mirrors.

Quasi-jokes aside, it was a nice trip. The area surrounding the shrines was beautiful and the architecture of the shrines was interesting. There was a pond inside of the smaller shrine with some gigantic coy inside. The pond was shallow enough to allow a determind person to pet the coy, so I proceeded to do so. Someone shot me a sidelong glance when they saw me reaching for the fish but it was worth it. I don't know if I've ever touched a live fish before. I was pleased with the experience and none of the fish seemed to mind, so it was a victimless crime.

As I've mentioned earlier, this internet cafe at Sakae plays a lot of American pop and I'm listening for the first time to the new Black Eyed Peas song. The one where they bleep out every other word and it sounds something like 'I can tell you're looking at my BLEEP, but I want you to keep playing with my BLEEP.' I'd like to add this song to my list of grievances against the Black Eyed Peas. That is all.

Things that don't affect you

So I got an approval by the IRS for my tax extension. I think a little celebration is in order. Maybe I'll have eel tonight. Or maybe I'll have some ikazaki bean paste smeared on top of something.

So a friend of mine gave me their DVD player because it won't play DVRs and they're upgrading. The video rental place next to me is great it turns out. You can rent a movie for a full week for 100 yen (USD is currently trading at 117.68 JPY) and they have this awesome anime selection. Unfortunately, most of the anime doesn't come with English subtitles so I need to study a little harder before I can watch them.

Finished Murakami Haruki's 'Wind-Up Bird Chronicle' and 'Kafka on the Shore.' I'm halfway through a book on Japanese history, and I'm going to pick up some Soseki Natsume soon (Edo era author). I also want to get books on the philosophy of Zen Buddhism, so if anyone wants to chat about books or has any advice to give me, feel free.

From an English language pamphlet about Ise:

"Since ancient times, the Japanese people have lived in accordance with nature. All over Japan, there are consecrated rocks and evergreen trees in which kami (powerful beings) reside, as well as sanctuaries (generally called jinja) in which kami are enshrined and which usually consist of a building surrounded by a grove of trees. According to Shinto (literally, 'the way of kami'), the indigenous religion of Japan, kami are worshipped in matsuri which include solemn ceremonial occassions as well as festivals at the local level. There are more than 100,000 Shinto sanctuaries in Japan, which are at the center of spiritual life. Historically, Jingu has held the most honored place among all Shinto sanctuaries. It is considered to be the spiritual home of the Japanese people, most of whom wish to make a pilgrimage to Jingu at least once during their lifetime. In fact, more than six million pilgrims and worshippers come to Jingu every year."

(Jingu is the proper name of the two shrines at Ise that I visted today)

Ise

Today I went to the city of Ise in Mie prefecture. I took over a hundred pictures but won't get a chance to upload them until I get back to Kyowa. It was a pretty cool place and, as Shintoism is basically nature-worship, very green. I'll post more details along with all of my photos later on tonight or tomorrow.

I also have a few shots from Meijo park behind Nagoya Castle.

I need to do something

I need to get out of the area (I keep saying that) so I finally have something new to talk about. I was going to travel to Ise today but tax concerns prevented me from leaving. I have the phone numbers of the Massachusetts tax authority and the IRS, so I can call them today to ask for extensions. I suppose that's all I can do until IBT gets its fucking act together and sends Daniela my W2.

I took out enough cash from the bank to buy a Super FamCom, so expect boring posts about that soon.

Shit man. I wanted to write about something but I'm nonplussed. I know if one of you were sitting here you'd notice something weird and ask about it, but most things here have become commonplace. For example, getting served a raw egg with most meals seems normal. So does seeing girls dressed up as fairies and princesses on the subway. Japanese body language is beginning to make sense and I can guess the meaning of some sentences now from the expressions that are used in the delivery (for example raised eyebrows and a slightly scared look means 'please stop smelling my hair').

It's starting to get a little warm here. Wearing a t-shirt and a shortsleeve polo shirt caused me to sweat on the train today. It may be completely different tomorrow (in that way at least it resembles Boston) but right now its nice.

Apparently Chinese sand (The Gobi?) gets blown onto Japan at this time of the year. Someone the other day complained at work about getting dusty or something (?) and explained it away as China's fault. It didn't make a lot of sense to me, but I remember how the skies over Massachusetts looked when Quebec had all of those forest fires a few years ago.

Ben means shit

So this is going to be a short post since I have tons of tax-related stuff to do. But I was told over a month ago that 'ben' in Japanese means 'shit.' I cant remember if I wrote about this already but I have new information. So I guess 'daiben' is 'big shit' as well, which is cool I suppose. I could be 'big shit' but maybe not 'shit.'

The other day while I was waiting for a hella-delayed train I met a New Zealander, Rachel, who told me that 'benpi' is what the Japanese use for 'constipation,' but that actual term means 'mystery poop.' How awesome is that? The word they use for constipation literally means 'mystery poop.'

Nalini, Canadian-style pizza, and Hanami

I finally called Nalini the other day. I emailed her after I arrived in Japan but we hadn't spoken to each until this Wednesday. She has family visiting right now but after that I'm gonna go to Kobe and visit her. I think we made tentative plans for the end of this month and now I'm excited to see the city. She said its a cool city (which Nagoya isn't) so I'm finally going to see some more of Japan. That'll mean more pictures too, which I'm sure you will enjoy. Because who wouldn't want to look at this mug? No one. That's who.

I saw an ad the other day in the April Japanzine (a free English language magazine that sucks) for Canadian-style Pizza in Osaka. What the fuck is Canadian-style pizza? While the pizza in the ad looks delicious, I'm willing to bet it sucks. Arrogant Canadians. What do they know about pizza?

The ancient Japanese art of Hanami is something that I'm going to be privy to tonight. That's where large groups of people gather in the public areas where Cherry Blossoms are in bloom and get smashed to shit on sake and eat finger foods. It's not as glamorous as it sounds since I'll be forced to talk to my co-workers. I have my camera on me, so pictures will be forthcoming.

So I haven't filled out my taxes yet. Someone call the government and tell them I'm going to need some more time. They'll know what its all about. Thanks.

This blog by the numbers

So while Kevin must be pleased with the enormous size of his digital cock (this site has received 588 page loads while his has 6758), I am happy nonetheless with the traffic this site has received. I just took a look at the numbers, and on my busiest day there were 18 unique visitors. 70.59% of my traffic comes from the US, 28.24% comes from Japan (I wonder how much of that is me), and 1.18% is from Argentina.

Of the people that look at this site, over 60% visit for longer than an hour and everyone else spends 5 minutes or less.

There are some other numbers that I could share but they don't mean anything to me.

---

From 'We Be Burnin' (Legalize It)' by Sean Paul:

'Summertime bounce to the music people choose it
Sean da P gal a cruise wit... well reputed cause.
We a the girls them champion,
Have nuff a them like the great king Solomon...'

Exactly my friend, exactly.

2 months in

So a few days ago was the first time I seriously considered staying here longer than a year. I'm just thinking out loud right now and I never plan anything that far in the future. I've gotten over almost all of my initial concerns and complaints and I'm really just enjoying being here right now. My lifestyle (the absence of my friends and family aside) is much better here than it was in Boston and there's so much for me to do and see here that I don't think I can get it all accomplished in a year. Also, coming back too soon might not really solve the problem that I was having in the first place. I want to see the world and have fun and not commit to a job that is going to devour my best years just yet. If I come back prematurely than I'll be in the same antsy position that left me unhappy in Boston. So, just as a preliminary warning, I've been thinking about it guys...

I think having good and bad days is just something that you can't get away from. I would say that I have all of the tools necessary to teach great lessons at this point, but I still manage to fuck them up every now and then. The other day I had a few terrible ones back-to-back. It's the worst feeling to be teaching and know its not going well but then being unable to fix it. Some classes are just destined to suck I guess.

Ahhhhhhhhh... I guess that's about it. I know there was tons of shit.... oh yeah! My Zen class!

I went way the fuck out of my way on Tuesday to Aichi Gakuin Univerity for a class on Zazen. I had a brochure that said classes were taught on the first Tuesday of every month and when I checked out the website it was in English and Japanese so I just hoped for the best on my way out there. I should have called. I really really really should have called first. First of all, the class this month isn't being taught on the 4th, technically the first Tuesday, but the 11th. Second, the class is entirely in Japanese. Third, it looks a little bit scary. A woman that I was barely able to communicate with gave me a how-to guide in English and what happens in their meditation sessions at the temple. The Zen master (or whatever) moniters everyone and hits you on the shoulder with a cane if your mind wanders. I guess he uses Zen magic to know when this is, but the thought of getting hit from behind by a cane to clear my mind and then performing a ritual to find my path again seems a tad frightening.

The campus police were unbelievable though. I got to the university's campus (my first Japanese university by the way) and tried to ask some questions at the information center. No one spoke English so a security officer drove me to the international center on campus where an English-speaking woman was located. She was able to understand what I was asking for and then told the security officer in Japanese. He then drove me to the temple and showed me to the front office. Thank god for that guy. None of it mattered because I had the wrong day, but that guy was awesome.

The cherry blossoms here are in full bloom and they're very pretty. If you want to see them do a google search. I'm already bored of looking at them.

Details

I was restless last night after 11pm so I went for a walk around Kyowa. There's a store adjacent to my apartment building that sells DVDs and shit but I had never been inside before. It would probably be the only thing opened at that hour, so I checked it out. This place kicks ass. It has used clothing from the US (most T-shirts are 1000yen but the shirts are awesome. I found a shirt with an outline of Vietnam and in bold English letters it says 'Next time, let us win.'), video games and systems for sale, and tons of Japanese toys, manga, and anime. I can buy a Nintendo Famcom for about 20 bucks and they sell most cartridges for between 3 and 10 dollars. The Famcom looks like the Japanese equivalent of a Super Nintendo, and as I didn't see any Super Nintendos, I think it was its counterpart in Japan. Of course all of the games are in Japanese but I think I'm gonna buy one. They had second-hand Playstation 2's for about $120 and tons of games. Buying a Japanese DVD player is something I might do in the near future too because I want to take a look at all of this anime. I wouldn't know where to begin or what titles are considered the 'classics' or whatever, but there's just so much of it that I want to be a part of that subculture. And it all looks filthy, so I'm down with that too.

I bought some Ghana chocolate (nothing says delicious like Ghana) at a Coco's (equivalent of a 7-11) while I was wandering around. I usually take my time in my little peregrinations and scare Japanese people that I meet walking. A woman last night was putting her trash out when I walked by her and she actually ran away when I got close. You gotta be careful with these people. They frighten easily.

This morning on my walk here I wandered through the Osu Kannon mall. It's all outdoors and fun to walk through but it only hit my today how much it sucks. I found a discount electronics store that was selling Famcoms for 67 bucks. Hello!? I can buy it next door to where I live for 20. I'm not buying shit there anymore. I found an Americana store there though with a bad-ass sign out front. It had the name of the store in English with a bomb (painted in the stars and stripes) crashing through it. You know, in case they forget who leveled the place 60 years ago.

My co-workers suck. I think I mentioned earlier that they're boring and a bunch of idiots but now they're offensive as well. So I work with Mark, Paul, Sunshine, Andrea, and Marielle. Some people from the Higashiura branch used to come out and do shifts but that was before we got Andrea. Now its just the six of us. Paul rocks. I love that guy. Sunshine too. I don't know about Andrea yet as she just arrived but I think we'll get along fine. Mark is the idiot that likes to brag about his thriftiness. Up until recently I got along with the New Zealander lesbian Marielle, but I'm done with her now too. Mark and Marielle hate America and Americans for no real reason other than that they're jealous and idiots. They probably think they're being really clever in how they're disguising it too, like how someone who wants to become invisible puts their hands over their face. The American Pat used to do shifts at Handa and he used to fuck with her a lot. They were quasi-friends even if he, on at least one occassion, held her in a corner and farted on her. She also has to deal with Mark, who sucks, so I think she just bottles up all of this rage inside. Her and I got along but since I've been really amiable and innocuous, she's started to take advantage of me. She made fun of my accent the other day in what was uncharacteristically rude. We all fuck with each other so no big deal but it was in the way she did it that pissed me off. The other English-speakers have explained to me that what most distinguishes our accents from theirs is our long vowels and the rolling of our R's. So when I said 'our' (which sounds like 'are' when they say it) she mimicked me in this voice that really pissed me off. She was probably just getting some of her pent-up frustrations out and I've made myself an easy target because I'm so nice and usually self-deprecating in my story-telling. She said she wasn't being insulting she just liked the way I said the word. Then why the mocking voice? She gave me permission to make fun of her accent in retaliation. I'll pass on that but if she hates Americans so much I'm gonna be the biggest patriot you've ever seen. I almost bought an American flag belt-buckle today. I mean, I'm not really doing anything unreasonable since, as everyone knows, America rocks and New Zealand is where we would build our vacation homes if it wasn't so fucking far away. If it wasn't for Australia being so close I think we all might forget there was an English-speaking nation there. She's told me once before that when people visit New Zealand they're always taking a day trip or something while spending a week or two in Australia. I mean, that makes perfect sense and is probably the way I'd do it too. But she got all bent out of shape about it like, why is Australia so great? Come to New Zealand to see New Zealand! So she's obviously got inferiority issues which is exactly how I'm going to get to her. I'll teach her to make fun of how I speak.

In addition to that, English is becoming Americanish. American English is becoming the standard English and her slang and accent are becoming an anachronism. In almost all of Nova's lessons they use the American version of whatever we're talking about ('pants' and not 'slacks', 'candy' and not 'sweets' or 'lollies,' etc;). I know an Australian here who has started to pronounce Zebra the American way and not her own native way. So I guess I can understand other native-speakers' frustrations, but she should have been smarter than to pick a fight with someone with such a mean streak.

My temple

So I wrote about visiting a temple in my last post and I took some photos with my cellphone today. I took a shot of the main building, the front gate, and the Buddha inside. I'm playing with the idea of going to Ise tomorrow. Its in the next prefecture over, Mie, and is the holiest Shinto site in the country. It's the shrine where all of the spirits of the emperors go to after death. I'm sure there's a reason why they go there, but that's all I know for now. Maybe I'll bump into Hirohito (known as Showa after his death) and I can ask him where his head was at. Honestly. It's just a tiny group of islands with no natural resources to speak of and they thought they were gonna win against all of the nations of southeast Asia, China, Korea, the Soviet Union, and all the English-speaking nations of the world worth fucking with? That was dumb. That was really fucking dumb.

Zen and my dark-ass room

This is going to be old information for my dad, Daniela, and Starr but here's what I've been up:

I've been reading Murakami Haruki's book 'The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle'. I think I originally heard about him from Luke's friend Ben. The main character, in an effort to create an enviornment in which to think, climbs down an empty well and stays there for two days. He is able to transcend time and focus his energies on his own mind. So I went home yesterday and was thinking about it and decided I would try out something similar. As there are no windows in my room, at night if I turn off all the lights in the apartment and close my door, it is possible to make it pitch black. You can't see anything-even your own hands one inch in front of your face. So I sat like that for over an hour and just thought. I didn't make noise or speak or move around too much. I tried to just sit there and think. As all I have in my room is a little pillow it was pretty fucking uncomfortable after a little while but I think I liked it. The trick is to spend a lot more time like that and not bail after just an hour.

It was something that I had been thinking about ever since I had a conversation with a student of mine. He reads a lot and likes Zen Buddhism and was explaining to me some of the things that he's learned so far. So part of Buddhism, and if you're interested I would highly recommend reading Hermann Hesse's 'Siddhartha,' is to destroy the self and find the all-being through meditation among other things. Once you realize that all life is the same thing and its all moving in the same direction to the same destination and that there is no time, you can achieve enlightenment and inner peace. Don't quote me but that's kind of what I've taken from it so far. So this student told me how Zen Buddhism is the basis for Bushido, the Japanese warrior code. By having very austere homes with little decoration (among other deeper things) they were trying to kill the self and focus on just being. Without the self to distract them, they were able to just fight and not think about anything else. So I realize that my room is cluttered with a bunch of crap I don't need and I was about to throw a lot of it away before it occurred to me that I could accompish the same goal by removing all the light from it. So I'm gonna get some books on Buddhism and Zen and read a little bit more seriously and see if I feel any better as a result of it.

I went to my first Buddhist temple today. It was a really pretty one on my walk downtown and massive on the inside. I climbed the steps and removed my shoes before entering through a sliding paper door. The main room was massive and covered with tatami mats. I sat cross-legged in the back and waited for two people praying to leave before approaching the altar. There were little altars that you could kneel before with incense burning. A girl slightly younger than me came in and kneeled next to me so I watched her pray a little bit. She sprinkled some incense on the smoldering fire in front of her and then closed her hands, palm to palm like Christians pray, bowed her head very low, and closed her eyes. In front of the little altars was a massive one, very ornate, with a Buddha statue. At least I think it was a Buddha statue-it didn't look like the Buddha statue that I've seen elsewhere but looked maybe more like a Buddhist-Jesus. I only think it was a Buddhist temple because most Shinto temples have Torii gates outside and there weren't any at this place. I think I'll go back and actually pray for something- peace for myself, that kind of thing. It was nice a temple though and I liked the smell of incense burning. I didn't want to pray without knowing how because in my mind it would spoil the sanctity of the place. I think walking into a Catholic Church and not blessing yourself, not kneeling at the pew, and then on top of that praying wrong would spoil the whole experience. You would find out later that you probably looked like an idiot and just feel bad about the whole experience. Plus if someone else walked in and I was doing something wrong maybe they'd get pissed and I don't want to fuck with someone else's religion.

Toyohashi Follow-Up Training and fast trains

I'm at the Yahoo Broadband cafe in Sakae again. It's 7:18pm. I came here directly from follow-up training in Toyohashi at the other end of Aichi prefecture. I've been told that its a city of about a million people, but I dont believe it. I have a Kondasha Japanese-English dictionary and listed in the appendix are Japanese place names with their kanji. Toyohashi, Hamematsu, and Shizuoka are not in there and they're all supposed to be really big cities. Plus, I know my geography and I feel like I would have heard of these cities if they're really that big. But for western Aichi, they're enormous. I went out to JMax on Saturday night, a club near Fushimi station in Nagoya, with my buddy Pat, Paul, and Paul's roommate. Paul is the British guy that I know from training that lives in the sticks in Aichi. Apparently from Paul and his roommate's place you can see Mt. Fuji but its still an hour train ride away or more. So we went to JMax right before the doors closed at midnight. It stays open until 3:30am and it was a ton of fun. It was some kind of bikini-themed night and quite busy. It was 3000 yen to get in and you got four drinks complimentary. We blew threw the 'free drinks' and did a lap around the place. The dance floor itself wasn't that big but there was a lot of sitting room on two floors surrounding it. Two bars on the northern and western sides of the dance floor and plenty of girls hired by the club dancing on platforms. Pat and I went to the dancefloor to get it started but just when we arrived the music changed from loud Japanese pop/techno to hip-hop and it cleared out. Apparently hip-hop is just not tolerated in Japanese clubs. It was busy again once some techno/pop came back on and we stayed there until it closed.

After the lights came on and people started to filter into the street we met some interesting characters. Two Japanese girls in latex maid outfits chatted with me and Paul on their way through the lobby. I had been under the impression they were working for the club but was wrong. They were just down with latex maid outfits. Outside we met some Japanese guys who wanted to talk and we were loud and drunk and apparently attract those kinds of people. Some guy kept talking about how big our dicks were and how small his was. He even bag-tagged me when I wasn't looking and told the girls around us how hung I am. I don't understand why anyone would do that, but it happened. He wasn't the only one either, another group of guys told some girls walking past us how big our dicks are. No one seemed sarcastic or malicious in the way they talked about it either, like they genuinely just wanted to build us up or something to every girl in listening range. I'm not complaining.

I had to work early on Sunday so after the club we took a cab to freebell to crash at Pat's place. I got four hours of sleep and made it back home in time to catch my train. My ears were ringing worse than ever before though and it was affecting my work. I couldn't hear my students, who tend to speak quietly, and kept asking them to repeat themselves. One guy, when I asked him how he was, said hung over. I said 'me too' and I high-fived.