Madlib

I've been listening to some new music thanks to my Aussie roommate but only one of his suggestions has stood out. The producer Madlib (in the foreground with MF Doom in the mask) is currently my favorite artist. I recommend his Quasimoto stuff, but his other projects (Madvillain, Jaylib) are good too. This post is really aimed at my Brandeis friends (which is a terrible way to refer to you guys, and I'm sorry), but I recommend his stuff to anyone who likes hip-hop.

My hot date

I met Yuuko yesterday. I hadn't had nearly enough to drink. She had a great time with me and hasn't stopped texting me since then. Awesome. Now I need to find out how to get numbers blocked.

From a distance she looked like a little old lady. She was anxiously walking around the TV Tower all hunched over and shit and was distrustfully clutching at her purse while doing it. I just had a feeling that was the girl I was supposed to meet and almost bailed at the last minute. She had on thick glasses and more than her fair share of facial moles.

She's 24, works at a grocery store, lives with her parents, doesn't like to read, listed Maroon 5 and the Backstreet Boys as her favorite bands, and said 'really!? to everything I said.

Half-mole half-Japanese woman thing: Do you have sister or brother?
The white Mos Def: yeah, a sister.
Half-mole thing: Really!? Is she older or younger?
The white Mos Def: younger by about a year.
Half-mole half-broken record thing: Really!?

Yeah, really. I'm THAT amazing baby.

I bought lunch and then we went to a big bookstore (I have no idea why). She brought over a copy of Bill Clinton's autobiography to show me and then, laughing hysterically, returned it to the shelf. That was it for me. I told her I had to go home when we got outside. Rookie mistake. She was going home too which meant a 20 minute walk together to Nagoya Station. I started to just lie to her and didn't bother to correct her when she fucked up all the details of everything we had been talking about. Yes, I live in Handa City. My roommate's name... Zeus. Yeah, I lived in Canada. They eat babies there. They're considered a delicacy.

Not that I think I'm anything special (actually, I do), but I'll smash my balls flat with a hammer before her and I do anything together again.

The Rising Sun

I tricked out my bookshelf today. It needs another coat of paint or two but you get the idea.

Respect the emperor. Expel the foreign barbarian.

Friday

I'm including photos of myself doing jack shit in this post. I don't think a picture of me drinking coffee is particularly interesting but I do think everyone appreciates visuals. Maybe I'm thinking of 'everyone appreciates porn.' I can't really remember.

So one of my dad's daily rituals (the naked goat-sacrificing is only a special occasion kind-of-thing) is to drink a little Bailey's in his coffee. As my last roommate left us an unopened bottle of Bailey's, I thought I'd celebrate a day without work and have a cup. It was nice and set the pace of the day. That pace included studying Japanese, reading, and lying to my boss when she showed up today.

As long as I'm mentioning my dad, he's been hitting his emails out of the park with these random quotes and bits of wisdom. The most recent:

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

“Which road do I take?” she asked.

“Where do you want to go?” was his response.

“I don't know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn't matter.”



If you don't like it, feel free to catch crabs.

Bang up job, Washington State

So I got a new roommate today. Lucky number three is from eastern Washington and he rocks. I could be wrong, but I'm never wrong, so probably not. He's a literature major and, unlike the previous invader of my personal space, cool. The last thing he said to me before he left to buy a change of clothes was "I'll try not to be a douche bag."

That's all I ask.

The grind

I got my first complaint at work the other day. Someone said I was talking too fast and they couldn't understand me.

No shit.

I actually can't believe that someone hasn't said that earlier. Sometimes I get carried away in the classroom and it occurs to me that I'm going WAY too fast. I'm used to blank stares so I miss the cues when I start to do this.

So my quasi-boss had a heart-to-heart with me that I thought was in bad taste. Maybe its just Nova policy to let the teachers know every time something negative is said, but by his own admission this is the first bad comment in a sea of good ones. Why did anyone find it necessary to tell me then? They couldn't just cut me some slack? Everyone has bad days. Why did they need to rub it in my face when they almost never tell me when good things are said? Maybe this isn't the first comment about my speed that they've received or maybe it was just an excuse to talk to me about the second issue. I asked for a transfer form a few days ago. My quasi-boss tossed in at the end of his speech that I was doing a great job and everyone hoped that I would stay around for a long time. Regardless, they're all assholes. Not my quasi-boss, who's quasi-alright, but everyone else. He doesn't get off the hook completely because it was still him I had to deal with and he's just on his way to becoming a spitting image of everyone else in the company who sucks dick proper.

Also, I've started to introduce language into the lessons that I think is more appropriate for everyday usage. For example, in a lower-level lesson, someone might get asked 'how is your job?' to which they are given a veritable galaxy of suggested responses: 'its ok,' 'its good,' and 'it's pretty good.' Cutting edge stuff. So I added 'It sucks' and encouraged everyone to use it. They understood that I was giving them something that Nova might not approve of because everytime someone said it I cracked up. In a lesson about pets, students are encouraged to use adjectives to defend their pet preferences.

Automaton 1: 'Do you like dogs?'
Automaton 2: 'yes'
1: 'why?'
2: 'because they're cute.'

Suggested adjectives include interesting, quiet, cute, ugly, and clever. So I added tasty, evil, and a few others. Every time someone said they liked cats because they were tasty, again, I got a kick out of it.

The trick is to keep yourself interested in the lessons because if you're interested then the students feed off of your energy and everything goes really smooth. I even have fun in some lessons. I'm just worried that when the laughs from this innocent stuff wear off I'm going to find it necessary to start being innappropriate.

Oh yeah, and the other day I had my first Topic Voice lesson. This is where for two consecutive 40-minute blocks you need to keep up to 15 Japanese students talking about something. Thanks to the limited vocabulary of most students, this is actually quite hard. Teachers have to put some serious thought into what to talk about for an hour and a half. So I brought in my iPod and incomplete lists of the lyrics to about 8 songs. So I had the students sit around and try to fill in the blanks and then try to guess the title of the song at the end. I was really disppointed when only three students showed up, but it was genius. The songs included:

The Beatles 'With a Little Help From My Friends'
Oasis 'Wonderwall'
Sublime 'Summertime'
Akon 'Mr. Lonely'
Johnny Cash 'A Boy Named Sue'

and three others that now I can7t remember. We only got through 5 songs in an hour and a half because I had to keep repeating parts of the songs. I had a lot of fun doing it but I wish I could have brought in better music. I picked those songs because I hoped they were familiar with them (at least a little bit) and because I thought the spoken English was clear enough where they could pick out the words. My first list included 'CREAM' by Wu-Tang and 'Stan' by Eminem and Dido, but after actually listening to the songs and the words I decided against it. Since I was handing everyone in the room the words to the songs, if just one person was offended, they had all the proof they needed to hand to the Japanese staff downstairs. I imagine a song about letting your pregnant girlfriend suffocate to death in the trunk of your car while you drive it over a bridge is not what my empoyers would consider appropriate.

My prep work at 11:30am

Time to offend people who think of themselves as ugly...

I did a few shots this morning before leaving the house. I have tentative plans to meet this girl (I don't even know her name) at the TV Tower at 2:30 and I don't expect things to go well. She said the ONE THING that she wasn't supposed to say to me. She sent me a text (after I basically yelled at her for trying, yet again, to blow me off) and said:

"Im not cute.. U meet me?"

You stupid, stupid girl. Maybe she's just being modest (fingers crossed). But why would I deal with all of this crap and neediness for an ugly girl? No offense to ugly girls, but if you're nuts on top of ugly, who the fuck wants to deal with you? Of course, after she said that I couldn't cancel our plans, as that would probably shatter her fragile self-confidence and forever confirm that she is in fact, ugly. So I'm going ahead with my plans despite that text and hoping for the best. This goes a long way to explain the reluctance to meet me though.

Package number 2!!!

Another package showed up today! Hooray! This one was from my mom and it was sent on April 4th. Holy merciful shit. I thought it took long for Daniela's box to show up! Customs is reponsible for the timing problems. They apparently begin committed relationships with the contents of any package coming into the country. I called my mom to thank her but thanks to the time difference its still 2003 there and she hasn't sent the package yet.

So I'm finally going to meet my Japanese stalker in an hour. She blew me off last weekend (yes, both days) but she felt it necessary to text and call me all week to confirm that we were meeting this weekend instead. Including this gem on Tuesday just to make sure I knew that we were't meeting on that day:

"Me too U remember We meet Tursday?"

Yeah. I think I can keep the difficult concepts of Thursday and Tuesday separate. I don't mean to brag, but this is my first language. Also, this one on Wednesday:

"Im in NAGOYA stason. Im think go library there is fun?"

I told her I was there one time and apparently she took it to heart. Is the library fun? Good question. Tell you what: picture a library. Ok? Can you visualize it? Shelves, dust, and lots of books, right? Ok. Now, if you think that's fun, then yes, the NIC library is fun.

What kind of a question is that, English ability or no?

Depressing perspective

I rarely hit the 'next blog' button on this site's tool bar but I did today and depressed myself. My thoughts and posts are completely average. They read exactly like every other idiot's with nothing to talk about.

From some moron's blog:

"so the little wench of a slag is telling my friends that her and tylor are aparently going out. But he specifically told me that he didn't want to date her. So like WHAT THE FUCK??? and if they are going out and he LIED to me i'm going to kill him. and his slag..."

Obviously, who cares? But if you compare that to any post on this site, the differences are superficial. I'm just rambling about nothing and my problems aren't even as interesting as this girl's. Man. I just bummed myself out. I think the problem isn't the blog or my ability to write; the problem is that I'm doing nothing with my time. I need a hobby or something. Even the site that said something like: 'don't blame all skinheads for what only a small number of us have done' seems more interesting. He's completely batshit, but at least his site is more interesting to read than what some idiot is doing in Japan.

I found the blog of some art student who posts pictures of all of his work, a Thai student at Dartmouth's, and some Asian bible group's site. All seem much more interesting than this.

Maybe I should kidnap some kids and flee to North Korea to spice things up.

You gotta know how to talk dirty baby

I got a few texts this morning from another psycho. I think I'm gonna ride this one out though and see where it takes me. From earlier:

Whack job #2: How are U?
Bandana man: im genki as hell---what are you up to today???!!!?!?!
Whack job: No plan Today and Tomorrow

Whack job: and U?date with girl?HAHA
Bandana man: arent you fiesty? maybe i am and maybe im not... lets get together today---can you get to sakae today?
Whack job: What we will?
Bandana man: koohii unless you have a better idea
Whack job: you are not date?
-----------------------SHE CALLS
Bandana man: im in a library right now so im not gonna answer that
Whack job: Where library?
Bandana man: kokusai center stop on sakura
Whack job: Oh!!3F?? long time ago I went to there, sometime I think want to go, but better not alone,...and My ancle live near there
Bandana man: yeah, thats the one
Whack job: What are U doing there?
Bandana man: nothing---do you want to get together later?
Whack job: go out with U?
Bandana man: do you want to get coffee or not?
Whack job: U want to together??
Bandana man: now?
Bandana man: do you know the mr donut not too far from sakae and next to the haagen daaz??? want to meet there in an hour and a half?

Her English seems atrocious but I haven't met any new Japanese people in a long time and, again, she might be cute. I don't understand why her answers to my questions make such little fucking sense. Is her English that bad or is she just nuts? I think anyone who asks on the third text if you're dating anyone is probably a tad off their rocker. Or just really fucking desperate.

I downloaded a shitload of music last night: Prince, Sage Francis, and different Madlib projects (Quasimoto, Jaylib, and Madvillain). I've been rocking out to Prince all day long. Because kids in my middle school rode me about looking like him I learned to hate him from an early age. Well that sucks because his music is awesome. I would recommend anyone who doesn't like it to give it another chance. Personal favorites: Little Red Corvette, 7, and You Don't Have to Be Rich. I've only discovered the tip of the iceberg though.

I obviously don't have much to say, so I'm gonna go kill some time until I'm drugged, raped, and then kept in a giant fishtank by some Japanese girl. Could someone get my eyes and heart from eBay and have them transported back to the States for a proper burial in about six months?

Thoughts

So I'm sitting here in my favorite internet cafe/masturbation parlor, nursing my beer and doing some deep thinking.

I am enjoying the fucking hell out of being in Japan right about now. I love this blog and I look forward to updating it all week. The beer sucks but it grows on you. My new room is fucking awesome. I got a package from Daniela (who is, without a doubt, a better friend to me than any of you have in anyone else) full of candy, literature, and peanut butter. And no fewer than four students of mine asked if I was dating anyone this week (reacting predictably interested when I told them that I was not). My life fucking rocks right now.

I would be completely content doing this (or something similar in another country) until I'm 30. This may be the beer talking (I weigh like 160 pounds now so it doesn't take much to beat me up) but I think I'm going to stay abroad for awhile.

Sixth response looks like a good'un

Hello.

My name is [contestant #6]. I saw your ad @ KOKUSAI center.
Id like to have some English speaker friends.

Im 24 years olds office worker in Nagoya.(female)
I like Movies Music football ice hockey hanging out with friends etc.

Ofcource I teach Japanese if u want to.

Hope 2 hear from u soon.

[contestant #6]

O full of scorpions is my mind!

A package arrived today from Daniela jam-packed with love and candy! I don't think it would be any gross exaggeration to say that I would murder the children of everyone in this internet cafe and burn the building to the ground to get a hug from her right about now. I took a bunch of pictures of what she sent me and a few of my new room. I even paid tribute to my new room and its Japaneeziness by having an imaginary ninja fight. Enjoy!

My response to Contestant #1

Hello [contestant #1]!

I'm very interested in learning Japanese, and I would love to teach you English! Which English school were you learning at? Why and how did you fail school?

You're English is better than my Japanese, but I'll give it a shot:

Konnichiwa! Benjamin Egan de, Amerikajin desu. Nova de eigo o oshieteimasu. Boston kara kimashita. nijuuyon sai desu. kissaten ni nihongo o benkyoo shi ni ikimasu. mokuyoobi to kinyoobi asobimasu. nihon no bungaku ga suki desu.

benn

Thanks for stroking my ego

I can't believe how many people read this blog. When I read my old posts they all sound like crap, but 43 people read that crap last Thursday.

You guys are making me blush.

And you're giving me a raging hard-on.

Should have been more specific...

All four new responses are disqualified for illegal possession of dick. I couldn't say 'dick need not apply' in my post at the NIC, but if any of them bothered to read between the lines, they could have saved themselves the trouble (the guy who apologized for being a man knew what the deal was). I know how hard it is to compose something in a foreign language. I hope they didn't spend too much time writing those...

I would like to learn more about Japan and get out to see some more things, so I may contact the guy who lived in California (his English seems pretty solid). We'll see.

More responses to my NIC post

Contestent #2:

Hello Benjamin
How are you ? I'm [blah blah blah]. I'm a Japanese man.
I saw your paper in NIC the other day. I'm intereted in English and movie.
I'd like to exchage with you in English and Japanese.
I live in Toyokawa. But I often go to Nagoya in a month.
My dayoff is Saturday and Sunday.
I hope you'll send me E-mail.
Sincerely
[blah blah blah]



Contestent #3:

Hi! I'm Ken. And Japanese. I have read your message at International Center.And I have decided to send you this mail.I have made friends there before,but the friend has gone back Australia because he takes over his family's job.I want to exchange languages with you.If you don't mind,would you send me your e-mail in your free time.How about you?



Contestant #4:

Hello.
I am [blah blah blah](I am sorry. a man) and have read your message in
Nagoya International Center today.
I'm intersted in the system not only to make my English better, but to make
friends from the world.

I have started to work as an engineer from this April after I had master
degree.
If you have interst in me, plz e-mail me. Or you can call me from 6 P.M. to
11 P.M.

Best
[blah blah blah]



Contestent #5

HI !

Nice to meet you!
My name is Akihiro.
I had been in California ,United States for three years as an international
student.
I found your notice on bulletin board at international center.
I am interested in exchanging languages.
Please tell me your free time if you do not mind.

Akihiro

Nova sucks and my boss is a cunt

So I got a phone call today from my boss and she told me my schedule is changing. This is going to affect me in three ways. I am now going to teach a Chibiko class (2 to 4 year olds I think), which is going to suck. Its going to change when I work on Mondays (from 5-9pm）to much earlier. Finally, since I'm no longer working the late shift (which carries a cash bonus of about $50/month) I'll be making less money now for working the same number of hours.

So for some reason all of this was way too much for me to handle and now I'm in a fucking rage. On top of that, my boss always talks down to me (more in tone than words) and it just reminds me how dispensible to Nova I am. So I was talking to my friend Rhea on the ride home and we both vented for a bit. How many English teachers are in Japan right now? Not nearly enough. How many Japanese want to learn English? Every single person it seems. How the fuck am I dispensible? Only an idiot who doesn't realize how valuable he is would allow himself to be treated like this. Nova should be tossing my salad right now in order to keep me happy. And my ass is quite dry and I wouldn't be opposed to a good tossing. Nova makes a killing off of this whole English-language school scam and I'm doing all of the work. I could easily find another job. I'm going to get applications for all of the other language schools tonight after writing some emails and see what my options are. Although I already realize that anyone I work for is probably going to be an asshole and shit all over me. The one option available to me that makes sense is to get private teaching jobs and be self-employed.

There are a few websites here that put English-speakers in touch with potential Japanese students for private lessons. You can expect to make about 3000 yen an hour (depending on the exchange rate, maybe 27 bucks) which is more than I earn per lesson at Nova. When it comes down to it, private lessons make too much sense. I could make my own hours and finally get Saturdays and Sundays off. I could take time off without getting it approved (I would warn students of course, but no one would have the ability to deny me anything) and I could even put my hair back into a mohawk if I felt ballsy enough. I could wear T-shirts, shorts, and sandals as well. I wouldn't have to listen to my douche-bag boss, and I could even tell her the fuck off before I quit. Oh man. That alone makes this whole thing worth it.

So I'm going to go create some profiles online and see if any students email me. I mean, think about how much sense this actually makes. 3000 yen for a single lesson is a bargain. You pay less at Nova per lesson but they require you to buy these ridiculously expensive packages for the entire year and most students don't even get to use up all of their class hours. They're going to learn from me regardless (the me at Nova, or the me doing private students) so what do they care where it takes place. Plus, doing private lessons always means one-on-one lessons which are preferrable for the student. I could do group lessons on my own and really clean the fuck up, but I think there are some baby steps to make first.

Oh man. I think this is an adventure that would teach me important life lessons as well. To be self-employed is something that would teach me things I could take back to the States and use. It sounds really fun to me right now too. The problem is that Nova is so fucking easy. Plus I love my room now, and I don't want to give it up for a tiny hole in the wall in Nagoya. Or do I? It would be cool to live downtown...

Ok, the guy who promises the most does the least (or so says some internet forward) so I need to go do some work.

How do I create my own lessons?

Manic Monday

Brian moved out yesterday. I've already moved most of my shit into his room and (if I can use an analogy) if my old living arrangments were a handjob, this new space is a three-day orgy with all of your favorite celebrities. I'll include some pictures of what I've done with the place on Thursday or Friday.

I went to an Aeon mall today and bought some Shamoji paper, which is the really thin stuff that is used in Japanese doors. Someone who had my room decided it would be a good idea to punch out all of the paper, probably under the influence of alcohol, leaving me with a three-hour job on my hands. I fixed both doors, cleaned my tatami mats, and hung all of my maps, pictures, and postcards on the walls.

My roommate voiced his concern about me moving into the room, but he's way too much of a pussy to do anything about it. He just made some little sarcastic comments (nervously laughing the whole time) about how since I had been here longer I was entitled to it. I'm not dumb enough to respond to something like that because it would only lead to a lot of whining, Aussie-style. He can have my room when he pulls it from my cold, dead fingers.

My giant grape of a toe

When was the last time you just fell for no damned reason? The other day I was walking through the parking lot of a 7-11 (yes, we have those) and I tried to hop gingerly over a cement retaining wall and landed right on my face.

I tried to push off with my left foot and land on my right, but I kicked off my Birkenstock in the process and really took a fall.

I banged up both of my knees and of course attracted the attention of a few people passing by.

The next day my toe turned purple.

I can feel it when I pinch the tip of it and I can wiggle it more and more each day so I think I'm good.

But seriously, when was the last time you did something like that? I couldn't even remember the last time it happened.

My potential stalker

These are the texts that a girl I met on the internet and I exchanged today. I've only answered one of her five phone calls because she can't speak any English. I'm getting really annoyed but I can't just tell her to leave me alone because I'm too nice and she might be cute.

potential murderer: Good morning!What are U doing Today?
potential victim: not much---how about you?
murderer: me too
victim: do you work today?
murderer: No...
victim: you wanna get coffee?
murderer: Wow native English!!
victim: where do you want to meet? are you near sakae?
murderer: Where U live?
victim: in obu but im at nagoya station right now
murderer: why??
victim: no reason --- where are you?
murderer: Why are U NAGOYA stason?
victim (annoyed): no reason
murderer: I'm home watch TV

murderer: What are U doing Tomorrow?
victim: working from noon on, you?
murderer: When is day off?
victim: next thurs and fri but if you have a good idea i can make the time
murderer: What do U do Today?
victim: im going to the mr. donut in obu to study japanese
murderer: Now?
victim: maybe at 2ish
murderer: How was NAGOYA?
victim: its always good---hows tv at home?
murderer: sometime boring
victim: what is your favorite tv show?
murderer: any so lomance and love comedy
victim: for example?
------------------- SHE CALLS BUT I DONT PICK UP
murderer: Romio&Juriet.American Pie, many
victim: which romeo & juliette? the older zefferelli version or the luhrmann remake with leo dicaprio? have you ever seen eternal sunshine of the spotless mind?
murderer: Yes I saw Why?
-------------------SHE CALLS AGAIN AND I STILL DONT ANSWER
victim: thats one of my favorite movies thats why... im in a cafe now and thats why im not answering---i dont want to be noisy
murderer: Oh U lean JAPANESE?
victim: yeah everyday. i have memorized almost 300 kanji but i still dont understand anything...
murderer: U like Lomance movies?
victim: yes, i like some. i like leon too---but i prefer to read.
murderer: U dont lean your GF?
victim: lean? i dont have a gf.

Thats where I left it because there's no way I can talk to this girl for more than a few minutes at a time. I think to appreciate my position you would need to have spoken to her for 45 minutes on the phone without understanding anything that was said. Her texting is deceptive. I'll let you all know how it goes as I'm sure she'll try to call me again.

The new roommate

Brian is leaving for Beijing on the 15th so I'm taking his sweet-ass room when he leaves. It will be just Dave and me until another American shows up on the 28th or 29th of May.

We had a party last night for Brian and Rachel Ching at Red Rock and it was the first time I've had a chance to see my new roommate in a social setting. He's quiet and weird, but so am I so I thought we were getting along fine.

It turns out he sucks.

And he hates me.

He over-dressed for the occassion in my opinion. I had on my Green Wave T-shirt but stopped short of wearing a bandana; he showed up like it was club night. Not really a problem, but I'm trying to paint a picture. He chatted to a few people and then settled down next to me. We chatted about some random pretentious things (he was an art major and everything that goes with that) and the conversation hovered around how lame the bar scene is in general. He mentioned that back home he prefered the more relaxed atmosphere of jazz bars where, I imagine, everyone looks gay in black berets and talks about really intellectual things like how George Bush is exactly like Hitler.

So after a few drinks he really starts to geek it up. He was just laughing too much at things that weren't funny and he had this big dopey smile on his face. With a few drinks it looked like he was really enjoying himself making everything he said before seem more like a cover for how awkward he is.

After we left the bar, we passed by a fire extinguisher in its case. I've been studying kanji like crazy and I told him that I could read the three kanji on it: extinguish, fire, and utensil. 'Thats a fire extinguisher' I alerted him. Now, this was meant to be funny (sort of) because I could see that it said fire extinguisher underneath the kanji in English. He told me that he could read it too and pointed out the English. We argued for a minute as I tried to defend the kanji I've learned. The last thing he said to me (and we haven't spoken since) was 'you have an ego.'

No shit I have an ego. Everyone who knows me knows I have an ego and I do some pretty pretentious shit. But THIS GUY doesn't know me. And he's the fucking pretentious one anyway. He's the one who always tries to talk about films and books and shit. He lost me a little bit when he started talking about metaphysic narratives in film but only because he was trying to like an asshole.

Fucking Tasmanian. Another Australian that I talked to helped me shed some light on the problem. He's from Tasmania. He's socially-awkward, probably has an inferiority comlex and definitely has something against Americans. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because I feel like accusing someone of anti-Americanism is like, the lamest cop-out you can come up with. He is though. I actually know a lot of people here who are anti-American. A bunch of whiny bitches if you ask me.

'You have an ego.' He even said it like that. I am a robot from Tasmania.

An invasion of my privacy

Ok, so I think I'm going to turn my 'fluids exchange' experience into the most public thing I possibly can. I think that there's such a high potential for comedy with this thing that I wouldn't want any of you to miss it.

So I posted on Sunday, which was the 7th. Today is the 11th and I got my first response. This is what a girl I'll refer to as Contestant #1 wrote to me today:

I'm looking for a language exchange person.I like travel!I want to learn English for travel.
I had stadied English at an English school.but failed school this year.
I can speak English little so I can help you to speak Japanese.

Ok. Sounds good. Some grammatical and spelling errors but at least I can understand whats going on here. I'll write back to her before I leave here today and then add that to this blog so that everyone can keep up.

I have arrived

Anyone who has checked the comments posted to my last entry will have noticed something startling. This blog has received spam. To the douche bag who posted that: I am honored.

Movies

I got a book from the Tsurumai Central Library on the history of Japanese film. I got quite a ways into it and was a rarin' to go get some movies when I discovered something troubling. Japanese movies aren't released with English subtitles. Maybe one or two are, but they look like the Japanese equivalents of Armageddon and xXx, so I think I'll pass. Even classic Kurosawa films (the Hitchcock of Japanese direction) aren't released with subtitle options. What the fuck Japan? I know this is probably the most homogenous country in the world and its native English-speaking population consists of me and another guy, but how about a little effort? I checked the Hollywood section and found 8 languages available on its copy of Chicago. Why would you need to include Hungarian in your Japanese release? A Hungarian has yet to visit. I'm disappointed but I'll use this to redouble my efforts to learn the language. It will all pay off when I can watch Yamato (The Japanese war epic in the same vein as Pearl Harbor). There are so many good propaganda films that I want to see and no arbitrarily-constructed language is going to stop me. There's also a German film here on the life of Hitler that I want to watch, but predictably, its in German and Japanese only.

Fluids Exchange

So I finally caved in and posted a personal on the foreign language exchange board at the international center. The woman who gave me paper to post with told me that she would review what I wrote before it would be admitted to the board. Shit. I hadn't counted on that. I was going to be funny and gross and inappropriate but had to settle for something less inspired. I was all ready to go with this gem:

"American looking for love in all the moist places. Working knowledge of a language not required. Will regulate any shade."

But had to settle for the disappointingly less direct:

"I'm an American who has been living in Nagoya for the past 3 months. Of course I work for Nova (who doesn't?) and I want to learn some Japanese in exchange for English help. I'm looking for cool people who like to read and have a social life. I'd prefer someone who can communicate to some degree in English already since my Japanese leaves rings in the tub."

I know its terrible but no one I want to meet is going to be able to read it anyway.

Mister Coffee

The two Mister Coffee cafes in Obu and Nagoya have become my weekend haunts. I come to this internet cafe, go to the two libraries that have English books, and then head to the cafe to drink 20 cups of coffee and learn Japanese (its 262 yen for all you can drink American-style coffee and if I get hungry than they serve decent donuts and even ramen noodles). A sampling of my studying:

Sakae de kissaten ni nihongo o benkyoo shi ni ikimasu. Shizuka desu kara.
(I go to a cafe in Sakae to study Japanse. Because its quiet.)

I could write it out in hiragana with some kanji but I dont know how to do that with this laptop. But I'm definitely making progress. It doesn't translate into the real world yet and I can't understand anything anyone says to me, but I can put together some sentences fairly accurately. Its not easy. Jarod was being way too generous in his estimation of my abilities when he said I would be fluent in a year.

I think spending the rest of my life traveling around the world and learning different languages and reading would be an awesome lifestyle. Thats just where my heads at right now.

Overwhelming but I love it

This is just a general apology to everyone that doesn't get timely responses from me. Between writing emails and posting in the blog and doing some small things online I burn out quickly using this computer. I'll write back to you Ashley, Russ, Luke, Jeremy, and everyone else and I'm sorry if it takes me a little while. I never have enough time here either. Sorry again.

Tempting...

So I've signed up for a bunch of foreign language exchange program things in an attempt to meet horny Japanese girls. Every now and then I'll get a message from someone in my gmail account who wants to meet or email or whatever. So today I got a message from the guy who's picture I'm posting. If I ever want my hair braided maybe I'll give him a call. Maybe I should have included somewhere in my profiles that I don't enjoy an occassional dicking. I thought it was implied.

Yeah, so I've finally come around on the whole getting hella-laid in Japan thing. I'm going to go post an ad on the 'fluids exchange' at the International Center later on today. The other day when I took a train back from Toyohashi with Pat I asked him (because he seems to be quite successful at it) how you go about meeting Japanese girls. He told me that those boards and things are alright and that's how he met his first girl here. Then he said that sometimes your students will try to initiate something, but that of course is a little tricker. It's not really tricky, its just that you have to wait for them to initiate something because if you ask the wrong girl and she reports your ass, you're in bad shape. So, he said that he gets girls every now and then that will ask him if he has a girlfriend or if he wants to hang out. So I'm nonplussed. I'm a sexy bitch. Why haven't any of my hotter students said anything? And if the students that I have won't come to me, where do I go to get laid? So I guess I've decided these language exchange things are my best bet.

I've heard a story recently about some guy who had two girls in his class and gave his number to one of them. It was likely the girl who didn't get his number was the one who reported him, but he got in trouble. Its not that I mind getting yelled at, but they make you write a letter of apology and go this other crap that sounds like a hassle.

Pat's answer to why no student has said anything to me is that all the cool students left Handa and go to Higashiura instead. I guess the teachers at Handa turned prude at some point and drove all the cool girls away. That sucks. I should think about a transfer or something.

I'm pretty sure it was horse

I think I ate horse. I got meat on a stick from some street vendor and what I ate wasn't anything I recognize. When I asked the chef what it was he didn't use a word with which I'm familiar. I know the Japanese eat horse (raw horse in Gifu) and I'm completely convinced that's what I ate.

Not bad. The texture was weird. Its hard to describe. Not as hard to chew through but in a bad way. You'd have to try it yourself I guess. The only word that comes into my mind is mealey. Or mealy. However you spell that.

On the train ride home from Toyohashi we paused at a station and there was a guy and a girl sitting on the ground right outside of our window. The girl was wicked cute but the guy was very androgynous and lame. He looked like some kind of emo-wannabe with a really deep and hard-to-understand point of view (I'm making the jerk-off gesture with my hand while typing this). Anyway, it looked like he might have been crying or something (maybe they were breaking up?) and she was trying to console him. So naturally, we blew her a kiss from where we were sitting on the train. Her face lit up with this huge smile and she had to turn her head to prevent this guy from seeing her reaction. Weep on emo guy. Our thing works better though.

I'm going to see 'V is for Vendetta' as soon as I get some time off. Anyone go yet?