This is the online chat I had with a Bank of America rep:
Adrian: Hello! Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer! My name is Adrian. How may I assist you with your personal checking and savings accounts today?
You: ahoy
You: i have a quick question
Adrian: Hello! How are you doing today?
You: i'm fantastic,
You: and i'll tell you why
Adrian: Sure! Please go ahead. I will try my best to help you out.
You: the stock market, for the second day in a row, is tanking
You: and i need to fund my fidelity brokerage account STAT
You: so, i just initiated a transfer of funds
You: through my brokerage account
You: from my checking account here at B of A
You: I just want to make sure the transfer won't be rejected on your end
You: como vai?
You: are you soaking up what I'm spilling?
Adrian: I will surely be glad to inquire the transfer for you.
Adrian: May I have your full name please?
You: XXXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXX
Adrian: Thank you, XXXXXXXX.
Adrian: May I please have the last four digits of the account number in question?
You: XXXX
Adrian: Thank you, XXXXXXXX.
Adrian: Please allow me a moment while I check the details on your account.
You: Take-a you-a time
Adrian: Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.
You: ok
Adrian: XXXXXXXX, I see the available balance of the account ending in -XXXX is $XX,XXX.XX.
You: right-o
You: the question was,
You: is bank of america going to reject a transfer
You: initiated at Fidelity
You: I assume you guys will see one half of a wire from Fidelity
You: requesting XXXX.XX bucks from my account
You: will you connect points A and B
You: or will you reject it
You: because it's an outside request for funds
Adrian: Please be informed, that you can only transfer funds to Investment account if the account is present under the same Online ID .
You: ?
You: what does that mean?
You: like, my government name?
You: not, say, my rapping name
You: no, i think both accounts
You: are under the same name
You: or are you talking about some other ID?
Adrian: I see both the accounts are not under same Online ID.
You: what is the online ID?
You: my account number?
You: my sign-in name?
You: my actual name?
Adrian: Exactly!!!
Adrian: Online ID is your sign in name.
You: but wait,
You: you mean a wire is going to come over to you
You: saying
You: spongeruiner101 requests funds?
You: and you'll look at that and say
You: oh, we only have a mrcoffee99 (or whatever)
You: that doesn't sound right...
Adrian: Did you initiated a wire transfer?
You: yeah
You: from Fidelity
Adrian: Did you initiated a wire transfer?
Adrian: Okay!!
Adrian: In that case, there wont be any issue to transfer funds.
You: wait
You: how are we not on the same page?
You: you lost me
You: in the maze of this conversation
You: is the wire going to go through, or not?
You: and if it's not,
You: could you please let it?
You: wave it on through
You: green light it
You: that sort of thing
Adrian: Please be rest assured that wire transfer is surely going through.
You: oh, hooray!
You: (holds up hand for high five)
You: high five me!
Adrian: High Five!!!
You: yeah!
Adrian: Is there anything else I may assist you with?
You: i don't think so
You: you have been the most polite and helpful robot I have ever met
You: i await your eventual conquest of the world
You: and look forward to it
Adrian: I am not a robot.
Last text message received
Adrian: am not a robot
No way you actually wrote all that shit in an IM did you? That wasn't edited at all afterwards?
ReplyDeleteI mean "you soaking what I'm spilling" cmooon that's too good, plus
I am not a robot...am not a robot...
hahahhahahahha
looks like someone's in denial
Aren't those the best/worst things ever? I spend my free time trying to get the Comcast reps to talk dirty to me online.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think the chances are that those employees are in India using a western name?
Louisa
I'm the real deal. Although not nearly as funny as this guy:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja